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Old 09-09-2013, 03:05 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,056
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You feel however it is you feel. When you grow tired of feeling that, and tired of thinking the same things over and over? You could change your thinking behavior AND your doing behavior.
  • Right now you seem to be dwelling on the past in your thinking behavior at this time.
  • You also seem not willing to talk it out with DH or C in your actions behavior at this time so you can lay old things to rest.

Neither seems to be serving you well.

WITH DH

You seem to be saying...
  • I am jealous of DH.
  • He has been allowed to enjoy the NRE and I was barred from it.
  • I also envy DH.
  • L and his girlfriend are able to see each other at work every day, as well as spend some time after work 5 days a week. I, however, am only able to see C MAYBE once a month and that's due to a bunch of reasons now, but last year a lot of it was L's discomfort with our relationship.

C's current schedule has nothing to do with L's past struggle, but you seem to want to lay it on DH's head anyway because you haven't resolved old stuff.

How about asking DH to acknowledge all this and tell him you would appreciate him saying something like...
"Yes. I'm sorry your unfolding with C had bumps. I'm grateful and appreciative that you supported me all that time I was struggling though, even if it cost you NRE time with C.

I am grateful and appreciative that you now gift me THIS -- an NRE time without struggle. I wish I had been able to give that to you then -- I hope I am more able to give it to you in future if you ever date a new person."
You seem to need appreciation from him there to be able to totally let it go.

WITH THE BF

It seems you need appreciation from C too. And some affection -- demonstrated in more overt ways. You seem to want him to woo you and show he values you.

Quote:
But for some reason, his neutral reaction to me possibly finding another lover makes me feel sad. Am I just being petty?
You also seem upset that while YOU miss "the NRE we never got to have" C himself is not seeming too upset by that.

C is ok with you having another lover. But that would mean NRE with that other person, and not C. Is that where this is parked at?

Quote:
And I know an easy solution would be to just tell C how I feel but... but I so much want him to respect me, and wanting to play the petty jealousy game is not the way to do it.
So what is stopping you from taking the easy solution? Pride? Wanting him to chase ya? Something else?

What behavior does he do that demonstrates lack of respect toward you?

You are not able to tell your partner C up front how you feel without you making it be a petty jealousy game? How does you telling your partner "I am struggling with jealousy things. Please help me!" = petty jealousy game?

Quote:
But now it's back to.... back to where he doesn't care if I find someone else or not
Does not care, or does not mind?

Are you the one putting that evaluation on it or is he? That he does not seem to care about you/does not value you?

You have several things going on there with DH and with C.
  • What behavior(s) do you need each one of them to do for each issue, so that you can then let yourself feel better? Rather than holding on to the grudges?
  • What behavior(s) do you need YOU to do for each issue, so you can then let yourself feel better? Rather than holding on to the grudges?

You need page 5&6 things on jealousy?

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 09-09-2013 at 04:14 PM.
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