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Old 09-09-2013, 01:52 PM
Numina Numina is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 139
Default Responding #2

Quote:
Originally Posted by Livingmybestlife View Post
. . she is a cowgirl
I came across what the polyworld means by this term in the last couple weeks, and I agree. I do feel that Chipmunk is a cowgirl. I feel like we were tricked in part. I also feel that I choose not to see the warning signs in the beginning, or that I choose to not respond properly to them when I saw them. That I wanted a GF badly enough that I ignored that, so I canít put it all off on Chipmunkís shoulder. We all share equal blame when it comes to it. Every one of us made our share of mistakes.

What hurts where the relationship between Chipmunk and I is concerned has as much to do with how I hurt myself, as how she hurt me. I wasnít just looking for a female sexual partner, I was looking for a friend, someone who could be another member of my family. I accepted someone else's timetable on the sexual side of the relationship instead of following what I know works for me. I know I have to have a solid friendship in place before things become that physical. I didnít listen to myself, that one is on me. But Airyn blames himself for how that turned out for me too.

I made some very clumsy attempts at high intimacy friendship with Chipmunk that left me even more hurt by her negative response. Its more clear now how clumsy I was with that. That I should have been more clear, or come back and attempted to talk to her about it another time. Too late for that knowledge now. And likely her response would not have been any different since I now know her to be a very possessive, jealous person obsessed with Airyn.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Livingmybestlife View Post
I think detaching from him is the best solution to save your relationship.
. . .
I am glad you came back to vent and for support.
I feel empathy in that I have been in limbo for 2 plus years with my husband.
It is painful and distressing. It has been hard on my 14 year old child. Finally in the last month his fog is lifting.
Hugs LMBL
Detaching might be for the best, but I can not do that on my own, I need him to decided to go. We (I) have tried to just be friends/roommates. That didnít work. We both love each other too much despite all this animosity. Iíve asked myself, and Iíve asked Airyn many many times over the last 5 or 6 months, ďwhy am I still trying, why canít I just end things with him and move on?Ē My answer is the same as his. Because of LOVE. Doesnít matter that Love isnít enough to keep us from tearing each other apart. It doesnít matter that being in love with Airyn is hurting me because of his relationship to Chipmunk. I still feel all that love that he and I have build over the 2 decades we have been together.

I am looking for an answer to this puzzle that I can accept in my heart. And yes LMBL I came back mostly to vent.

My response posts today, what I'm saying in them is why the quotes I posted from BP's blog resonate with me. I understand what she was saying. Feel the sentiment, and could never have said it as eloquently as she has.
__________________
Bi-sexual female

Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).

No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.

Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
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