Originally Posted by london
Honestly, it sounds like your husband is the issue here. Why has he not cut her off completely? This is what I mean about trusting that your partner can enforce boundaries with other people that maintain the health of your relationship. If you can't do that, you have big, big problems. She sounds like a bit of a nutjob for sure, but that is his chick, he wants her, what does that say about him?
Originally Posted by nycindie
Oh Numina, the train wreck never ends! I thought it was a good move when you separated for a while, but then you took him back and the bullshit started all over again. I know you love him, and he might love you, but LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH! When are you going to kick his ass out and shut the door on his insanity? You have been nothing but patient and flexible yet all he ever does is treat you like garbage. Get out of there! You deserve better.
Originally Posted by CattivaGattina
This. He's made it clear over and over that he wants Chimpmunk more than you and only doesn't want you/Wolf to hate him.
Make the choice for him. Tell him you are done and he needs to move out.
*Tone of voice - since tone isnít share-able via text based communication. Iím not being angry with anyoneís response. They are honest response to a shitty situation.*
The suggestions are not unwise even if they are baffling. I think everyone who has been in love understands that ending a relationship that has been full of love, when there is still hope that it can be that way again isnít something easily considered. Nor is it something easily done
These three quotes make it seem like an easy thing. To just walk away from someone you love. And NYcindie you can say this now, but I saw a post from you on another blog about a three year ordeal between you and your x-husband before your marriage ended. So I believe it is actually hindsight for you, and maybe what you would attempt for yourself in a situation like this one. But I also see that you know ending things (if thatís what will happen) isnít quick or easy. You also know that ending things via divorce isnít quick or easy. We can maybe talk more on that in PM if you like.
Airyn is in love with me, and with Chipmunk and canít let go of either one of us. Choosing one over the other is a losing situation for him. I get that. If he lives with me, and cuts Chipmunk out then heís bitter, resentful, and angry over that loss. If he lives with Chipmunk (or on his own so he can see her when he wishes too) then he has that same bitter resentful anger over losing me.
The way I see it is this. It doesnít matter which way things go one of us is going to be bitter, resentful, and angry. No matter what the choices are everyone is going to hurt, itís just degrees of being hurt, and how long it might take to recover. The likelihood that Airyn will stay with me is actually rather high. How likely that the bitterness, resentment, and anger we will each feel in the different scenarios ending everything for all of us I feel is rather high as well.
I see it as very likely that staying together as things are I will get to a point where the bitterness, and resentment are greater than the love. And when that happens I wonít be just saying I've had enough any more. It will be for real. I was just talking to Airyn about that recently. Telling him that I feel like thatís where things are heading for me.
He feels like heís in that situation too. Where he is being bitter at being made to choose, and knowing how unhappy he will be at his losses no matter what choice he makes.
Also Airyn has not chosen Chipmunk over me in a long time now. What he has done is chosen to not choose between us. He lives with me, and made that choice before finding out that he could not live with Chipmunk. He lives with me not just for Wolf, or because he can't/won't live with Chipmunk. He lives with me to BE with me. To spend time with me. To take care of me in what ways he can considering that he isn't able to let go of Chipmunk.
And I know why he has lied and attempted to keep his continuing to see Chipmunk from me. I know what his reasons are for going to see her. I'm not saying I agree with his reasoning, but I do understand, and I see where some of the reason is my own fault. If you had his words, his view, his story there would be more empathy/sympathy for him and his situation. Especially if you read his story before reading mine. It's not patience I have, it's sympathy for how he feels and what he wants. He not actually getting what he want no matter what his choice is.