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Old 02-22-2010, 06:12 PM
tomwithit tomwithit is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
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Hi Just wanted to give a quick Hello

I am the "hubby" in PetersD's post.

yes envy is a much better definition of emotion that I have been feeling. over the last month or so it has been ripping me apart. And causes and avalanche of other emotions to rise to the surface. I have seen other post on this forum that suggest keeping busy when your partner is away I very much try to do that. Our situation at the current time is we have children and it's very hard to stay "busy" and not dwell when I feel stuck at home taking care of our kids. I imagine some of you are thinking, "well you have kids doesn't that keep you busy". Yes it very much does but not the type of busy that let's my mind stay away from dwelling. I am sure those of you with kids know what I am talking about... anyway... I am trying hard not to dwell let's put it that way. We have been open for the last year and I never expected it too be this emotional and to manifest the way it has... we started with the idea of just having an "open relationship" I thought it would be more "fling" oriented. but it's been much more, my wife has spent much more time away from home then I expected and it's taken some time to work out the communication around that. The time away from home does not all have to do with the relationships some of it was self growth oriented. But when the two are combined it made it very hard at times... and being with the kids has not made it easier feeling like I was abandon and stuck with the kids. We have worked a lot of it out but powerful emotions are not easy to ignore regardless of how old they are and in a lot of ways it's not that old... only a year or less. As time goes by there has been lots of healing and growth. But the envy still sits under my skin like a tick making it hard to completely forgive and forget the situations that have occurred.

Here is a problem I am facing. yes I am shy as my wife suggested and it's a big part of the envy. I also envy that she is able to meet people and bring up her intentions so much easier then I am. plus I envy that she is woman and so far from my experience men are more willing to say yes to an attached person then a woman is. So in a sense she has it easier. I am sure there are a lot of women that don't agree??? maybe?? I also feel I should point out my wife is very beautiful, she is eye candy for sure. when you combined that with how deep she it... well let's just put it this way she is amazing! I also don't drink or do any drugs so I don't have the inhibition inhibitor that a lot of people have so whenever I do get up the courage to talk to someone it's always very intentional.

Another thing I am discovering is so far most of the woman that are open to poly relationships are somewhat to extremely outside the spectrum of what I am attracted to. I have been using okcupid to see what else is available and so far most of the poly people are either, not attractive to me or are attractive but outside my personality scope.. very into BSDM or other sex practices that are outside what I am into. Not to say I would not like to form a relationship with these people but I think they pass me by because I am not "like" them enough. So..., so far my pool of people that I would be interested in getting to know is very small as far as I can tell. I am sure there are women out there that I am attracted to that would like to be with someone like me I just have not found them yet. (witch does not help the envy process)

well I have two women I have met in the real world that know my situation and are willing to talk to me about it. so wish me luck. I feel like a lot of our strain will be released when I have my "poly" as well

I wrote this fairly quickly but I feel like it's honest and true... I will come back and edit it when I have more time to spend on it, if I think it needs to be edited.

I also want to note I love my wife very very very much and I do believe in the end we will feel really good about our decisions, we are just in a kind of muck right now trying hard to stay centered and work things out.
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