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Old 09-09-2013, 02:27 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,451

Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
I am sorry, Mags.
Thanks, Ry, for taking the time to read and write.

The guy who tried to commit suicide had plenty of shit going on before you entered his life. I would imagine that you were one of the bright spots on what was probably a dark path. That has to be hard.
Yeah... thing is, I've got a mentally ill daughter who had made 4 or 5 attempts and so it's really triggering.

You have every right to be concerned about all the women, dates, and the new Herpes diagnosis of Mischa's. Precautionary measures for everyone might have to change. Are there plans to discuss this if he becomes intimate with her?
Yes, well, he's told me he probably "won't become her lover" because of this. But he does wish he could be her lover! And vice versa. So even if it doesnt work out physically, there is this longing... and then here I am healthy and fuckable, feeling sidelined somehow.

You guys have not had much time together, and now, he is adding more people which means time will be cut. That does nothing to allay the feeling of disconnect. Is that leaving you wondering, "Where do I fit in?" I cannot speak for anyone else, but if my quality time had been at a standstill due to illnesses and health issues on both sides, I would want to spend time with the people already in my life.
He was here tonight and we had a very frustrating conversation about that. He seems to feel the exact opposite. I get the feeling its life affirming to him to pick up the apples the desirable woman trees drop, maybe even more so when there is strife? And he's 60. If that is the way he is, I know damn well he's not gonna change now.

I would not go and get involved in two more relationships with double the NRE.
A reminder he has Asperger's. A mild case, but it does get in the way when discussing emotions, needs, desires. He claims to not get NRE at all.

Five relationships without proper maintenance is overkill, IMO. If the needs are already not being met, it makes no sense to add more. There are only so many hours in the day, and it would not tickle my fancy to be 1 of 5 and told that I am one of the special ones. I like knowing that there is something special about me. I agree with your decision to bring it up to him, and could his response have been a little better? Big time.
Yes, very frustrating. I was feeling more deeply in love the earlier part of the summer, but these last few weeks, I feel the bond is lessening! I hope it's just temporary. I hope it's less him and his behaviors and more just all the stresses of illnesses and injuries of all kinds and if I can just keep my shit together, we will rebalance.

The situation with miss p. Whoa. There is no way I would have taken that in stride. That had to hurt. Is he just that out of tune with your feelings and being mindful of what he says? What was miss p's reaction after the fact. I am sure it surprised her.
At this point, we've pretty much decided it was a social faux pas, perhaps because of his Aspergers.

I am really sorry you are hurting. Sending hugs your way. You have a lot going on and feelings that need to be processed. Take some time away from Ginger and figure out if you want to be one of many or if the relationship needs to transition. Figure out if there is a way to reconnect and get that closeness back. I am not sure if you can get away and spend some time alone, but if so, please do it. It is no fun stressing yourself out. Personally, I think clearer when I am alone and have had time to figure out what I need and why I am feeling a certain way.
Well miss p and I had a beach date yesterday which helped a bit. Ginger has been trying, in IM and today in person, to find out what he can do to help me feel more secure, knowing he isn't going to give up on these 2 women just for me. So far we haven't figured out how to make me feel better.

He did help miss p install a signal booster for our cell phone service today. (Somehow I get decent reception on my phone here, but his and miss p's don't.) Acts of service seems to be a way he likes to show love.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) together since 2009
My bf Kahlo (poly-friendly, M, 45) since August 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's bf for 5 years

Last edited by Magdlyn; 09-09-2013 at 02:31 AM.
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