I feel a great deal of empathy for you. This is so sad, Chipmunk has made it clear that she is a cowgirl, and not only a cowgirl but wants to eliminate Wolf.
I think detaching from him is the best solution to save your relationship. I worry most about Wolf. It seems that it is all about his needs and yours are being ignored. When you try to detach, you shouldn't as he wants to continue to do for you. Frankly, that is a way to have his cake and eat it to.
It allows his feelings of guilt to over ride yours of self protection. Please take care of yourself first, he clearly is!
I am glad you came back to vent and for support.
I feel empathy in that I have been in limbo for 2 plus years with my husband.
It is painful and distressing. It has been hard on my 14 year old child. Finally in the last month his fog is lifting.