Hello Peter and welcome to the group. Lots of great people here with a broad range of experience & perspectives.
To your questions & situation................. my 2 cents worth
Two simple thoughts.
1> You're new at actually practicing this. Give both of yourselves some slack in this phase. Don't think for a moment that it won't get easier with practice. It's kind of like reading a book on ocean kayaking and then suddenly finding yourself in 8 ft swells ! Yep - you may get tipped once or twice until you get some mastery. Goes with the territory. Lots of emotions and internal stuff to surface and process. Look at it as a team effort and don't expect either of you to stay dry right out of the gate. Practice laughter
2> LEARN the difference between 'jealousy' and 'envy' ! It's discussed here and on most other good poly sites/resources in depth. What you're describing is classic 'envy' and how that gets processed is distinctly different than processing jealousy ! There are a few cases where the line blurs but this is NOT one of them (per your description anyway). But processing it wrong could make a convoluted mess ! Don't need that - waves are high enough already.
Sounds like you guys are in a very good position - good communicating etc. Go slow and keep your paddles in hand.