It's not the destination, but the journey that is important
I'd like to have somewhere to chronicle/process this new and rather scary journey, and this seems a good place. Insight from those who've been there are welcome.
One of the things I've loved about my and C's relationship from the beginning is that we have been comfortable and open discussing crushes There was never any of that, seemingly common, sense that we weren't allowed to look at other people. And we've been involved in a mostly platonic, unintentionally poly relationship in the past. I'd been thinking about asking C if we could intentionally explore polyamory (for a variety of reason which will be their own post) for, oh, a long time, and had finally reached the point where I felt comfortable in my reasoning to have the conversation a little over a week ago. (I do nothing less than fully prepared.)
It was, like so many things, frightening and emotional but ultimately very worth it. She said that intellectually, she had no problems with it, but was worried about some of the logistics. And in truth, I thought she would be good about it, but I'm never sure, since she can be somewhat mercurial.
So I left that conversation very happy, but I still had some lingering questions. I wasn't sure what exactly she was comfortable with, or that she knew what I wanted and why. Because I'm really bad at getting all my points across in conversation, I wrote her a letter and just kind of laid my heart bare. OK. It was an e-mail. Which probably makes me a horrible person, but it felt the safest way at the time.
She came down to find me, and basically said "I told you to go for it, I thought we were on the same page..." We talked some more, until I was sure she was really OK with things, that we had some "ground guidelines" (the biggest of which is that my parents not find out while we're living with them, because my mom is meddlesome). I just don't want to hurt her by doing something I didn't know she wasn't OK with.
I've set up a profile on OKCupid, and have started chatting with a couple people, which has been fun. I'm not sure how quickly I should jump into actually meeting/dating/whatever. On one hand, I'm still wrapping my head around just the possibility. On the other, why wait? I'm not making any life-long commitments at this point, just meeting interesting people and seeing where things go.
There is more on my mind, but it's late and I must sleep.
So in search of love and laughter, I'll be travelling 'cross this land,
Never sure of where I'm going, for I haven't any plan.
And in time when you are ready, come and join me, take my hand
And together we'll share life out on the loose.
Dancing about Architecture: A Journey into Polyamory