Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit
OH DEAR !
Ok - I gotta get on this !
London, all interactions are not founded in a competition ! Sometimes (all times actually) the horse needs to come before the cart LOL. Don't try to run before you walk etc.
I would ask YOU to go back on your own (above quote) and run a little analysis on it
Although in theory and perfect worlds etc there would always be perfect balance - i.e. you defer to my needs EXACTLY as much as I defer to yours etc, this is the real world we're talking about. And sometimes the situation/circumstance is what has to get deferred to and it may just be that it seems to favor one party or another. But in reality, it's not about a person at all - but the circumstance.
In this case I'd suspect that being forced into just one more "duty" before having time to decompress from a day's worth would result in lackluster results. Nothing genuine - just going through the motions. Cart before the horse.
Possibly you've never lived an intense enough life to truly understand this ? Maybe an age/experience thing ? Doesn't matter.
Point being - PLEASE - don't think the world is all about me vs you, his vs hers etc. If only the universe were that simple .................LOL
Ok, firstly, I am a single autistic mother of an autistic child and I was also a midwife in a inner London NHS Hospital, a highly stressful job with many responsibilities and arduous working conditions that I shall hopefully be returning to soon. Hopefully that dispels your attempt at belittling me through offensive condescension. If you read on, you'd see that I made the majority of your post unnecessary in my next post where I said:
Yes, and as you sort of said, that's a two way thing: he might be better at interacting with her in the way she needs after he has alone time, but she also might be better at allowing him alone time after a period of her preferred interaction. If he gave her what she needed first, she might be able to give him alone time more "efficiently", without sitting there sighing and tapping her fingers. If she waited, he might genuinely give her the interaction she needs rather than sort of feigning it. All of that is totally true.
What I am talking about is that their compromise said that his needs always come first. He chills and then they interact. I am not debating whether his need to chill after work is actually more important than her need to gossip with him. Personally, I agree that it is more important and she should chat to her friends if she feels lonely, but it's the fact that their compromise automatically dismissed her needs as secondary to his. The fact that she has been waiting to interact with him all day isn't as vital as the fact that he has been waiting to chill all day. My personal opinion is that is not the best way to reach a successful compromise over a long term.