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Old 09-06-2013, 08:40 AM
london london is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

I think what you need to remember that he isn't wrong for wanting less than polyamory, for wanting a form of ethical non monogamy that is closer to monogamy because it restricts emotional availability outside of the primary relationship. He doesn't need to change, he doesn't need to evolve, he doesn't need to achieve the poly status. He is just him and he doesn't want his wife having other romantic, loving relationships outside of their marriage. That might not be compatible with your long term needs and you have to decide whether you want to change what you need and be happy with something closer to monogamy, or you want to end your marriage to pursue polyamorous relationships.

I told her that I needed to decompress when I came home and that, if she would give me an hour of peace after I came home that I would be much more likely to join her in some of her energy level. It worked well enough, I felt less like she was draining the life out of me and she had a "schedule" for her anxiety.
If you see here, Marcus clearly sees his need to not interact with his partner as more important than her need to interact. Now, of course, it's his need so that is going to be high up in his list of Important Things but look at what that is actually saying to your partner: "my needs come first". Why couldn't he agree to interact for an hour and then be left in peace? Why must the thing he wants come first? Why must the thing she wants come second? Yes, they reached a compromise, but a compromise that clearly stated that her needs are of less importance, are less relevant and less "right" than his. In truth, neither of them are right or wrong, they are just wholly incompatible.
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