Long time lurker needing advice.
Iím tired of feeling like Iím the only one trying in this relationship.
Iím poly ~ heís, well the idea of an open fwb type relationships are fine with him. He has no problem with me having sex with other guys, but you add emotions to the equation and he freaks the fuck out.
He was hurt badly, emotionally, most of his life. By family and by his most recent (11 fucking years ago) ex. I get that, but dammint! Iím not her, nor am I like his family.
We had always (since the beginning of our relationship) talked about adding, either a female or another couple, to our relationship. We even talked about we donít want to be like my mother and step-father and just fuck random people. That weíd like to be friends first. So without blatantly stating it, I thought we were on the same page of poly. No. We werenít. Oh god, we werenít.
He was of the mind set of FWB/swingers (which is exactly like my mother) and I was of poly mindset.
After talks and talk and talks, we both concluded we had major mis-communication. Ok, goodÖsemi-same page now.
Now most of this came to head back in MARCH of this year. Since then, Iíve done research, on top of research and just for a change of pace, some more. HEíS DONE NONE! Except for the past two weeks, where he spent maybe a total of 2 hours on research. We donít talk about it unless I bring it up.
Iím starting to hate him a bit for sticking his head in the sand. I understand he works full time, and goes to school full time. But the last two weeks, he was on break at school. So he wasnít as brain dead. We could have TALKED ABOUT IT! But did we? only when I brought it up.
Iím tried of being the only one trying. I told him, thereís no one on the sidelines that Iím waiting for. I just need communication about poly. To know that heís thinking about it, that heís trying to understand me.
Heís said before that he wantís to know me, that he feels Iím changing. No, Iím not really changing, Iím just realizing what I want/need, and Iím making him see it as well.
I need him to try. Iím tired of play-acting like everything is ok.