If you are insecure, your unmet need is to feel secure and safe.
at the very minimum.
You could read the need inventory
and circle the things you think you need to help you articulate and figure yourself out. Once you know the unmet needs, you can divvy them up by WHO. WHO would you like to meet the need? You? DH? Nudge?
I guess i dont get why HE needs to date, what need is he looking for? is there something me or wife isnt doing?
If you need reassurance
that you are meeting his needs, you could ASK HIM.
Or am I going against my own poly nature by questioning someones need for multiple partners?
That sounds like it could be core belief -- "I am not enough."
"He's got wife for wife-ness and me for GF-ness so what's he need more GF's for? I must not be enough GF for him."
"I sometimes feel wiggy. I must not be poly enough."
You seem to connect things a lot that don't need to connect and then crank yourself up in your head thinks.
This does not seem to have anything to do with your poly nature directly. This seems to be about your "secure."
Your "secure" with what?
- Trusting his word?
- The relationship being too new still to feel "stable" yet?
- Your perceived worth/value as a person?
- Your confidence in your ability to practice poly?
- How you think about yourself/talk to yourself in your head cranking you up?
- A combo? Something else?
I dunno. Could spend some time thinking on that. Could sort yourself out.