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Old 09-05-2013, 01:12 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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I feel pushed aside and hurt. I don't want him back intimately but I need to get to the place where I can forgive him and move on. Suggestions?
I think I get it.

He dinged you once -- that is one thing.

Him dinging you again thoughtlessly? Him thinking of your well being later as an afterthought rather than a forethought doesn't feel good. And his response seems like 'Well, at least I thought of you at all" -- that doesn't feel good either.

You seem to prefer your lovers to consider you and think of your well being more intentionally, as forethought. So you have decided to let him go as a lover because he keeps dinging you. Understandable.

Now you need help forgiving so you can move on.

Perhaps it could help to remember the "forgiveness process" (at least to me) is several parts.

1) Ask him to apologize for dinging you. That would be good.

2) Then forgive. Even if he doesn't apologize. It's better for YOUR mental health not to have to carry that around. That's step two. It is more for YOU than for him. You could think "I'm going to forgive you. On Sunday. I don't have to love it, but I'm going to, for my OWN well being. Between here and there I'm going to think all kinds of GRR at you and on Sunday I'm going to forgive you and let it go." Because to forgive is basically a decision one makes. Then over time it feels better to have made it.

3) Giving opportunity to make amends at this time and dial it down to friends? That won't be given here right now.
That would be nice for HIM, but you don't want to be left open to new dings at this time.

Maybe knowing you don't HAVE to do part 3 right away helps you be able to forgive? Maybe in time you will consider giving opportunity to make ammends and return to a friendship in right relationship. Maybe not.

But for right now maybe you want to give yourself permission to hold off on that? Could that help? Taking it in micro-stages?

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 09-05-2013 at 01:15 PM.
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