Flowing toward a triad
I've lurked here for ... ages, it seems... and tonight is the first time that I want to post something. I don't need the labels, but I've been poly all my life, while my wife has been monogamous. We've had the usual agonies. I have a LDR that has lasted many years, but I rarely see her and my marriage has managed the difficulties. I've read (and adore the writing of) many of you, most of all (hate to single you out, but seriously, you're amazing) GalaGirl, and thought I'd share what is happening in my life tonight.
My previously monogamous and straight wife (W) is out tonight with a woman she's fallen in love with. They connect, they share, they are absolutely gorgeous together. When they kiss, when they smile that sheepish grin about the other, when they open up to the happy space, they are in such puppy love that ... well, it makes me more than happy. Ahem. Cough. Compersion is easy. Raging horniness at my wife's exploration of her deeper emotional self is overwhelming. And awesome. Cough...
The thing about this woman she's fallen in love with is that she and I met years ago, and fell in love with each other more recently. But, having a past in which I'd cheated on my wife, before I figured out what ETHICAL nonmonogamy was, I was simply not going to cheat again. Ever, not if it was going to destroy my marriage. We were close friends, I told my wife all about her, my wife knew something was different with this friendship, was nervous, but we kept lines of communication wide wide open. Eventually, this woman (A) contacted my wife ... and ... they inadvertently fell in love, it seems. My wife started to see me differently, understanding nonmonogamy in a way that she never had, and safely saying that we (A and I) could be lovers. Which we now are.
So, tonight, my wife W and my girlfriend A are ... lovers, for the first time, on their own. How did we end up in a triad?! But that's where we are. The threesomes we've had (HELLO, that was sexier than any fantasy I've ever had) helped them feel confident with each other, and hiding from the kids (heat and passion in a kiss) led to a walk with making out (like, seriously, in the bushes, like you're teenagers?! that's so cute!) and has now led to making love.
Maybe this is the only place I can imagine sharing that, yes, it feels weird to be alone on the night my previously monogamous wife is with a lover for the first time... which should be a monumental shift in any marriage... except it's with my lover... and I'm just so HAPPY for them. They're so damn beautiful when they are together. They are so utterly gorgeous when they open up to each other.
It's funny, people hate on the unicorns and the triads. But give it a break, people: We didn't expect this. They are quite open to the possibility that I'll be the hinge in a V that includes sexy threesomes but not them as lovers, outside of explorations like tonight. And they are best friends, they tell me, no matter what they do with their bodies. But I'm seeing them going deeper and not yet safe with each other, constrained by the social expectations around us. I can imagine that in a year, we'll be Out in a way we aren't right now. Or hidden but pretty damn happy. Because they seem pretty damn happy, and I am, too, with both of them, and with them together while I'm alone.
Why am I writing? because I'm alone tonight while they make love. But I'm HAPPY, and I didn't really expect to feel that. And this community (in which I've lurked) helps me, and that means a lot to me, so, in the grand scheme of things: Thank you. Thank you for being here with and for me. You've helped me more than you could know.