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Old 09-04-2013, 08:10 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by gorgeouskitten View Post
He hasnt dated any other 'secondaries' besides me, and wants to date a little more, potentially on going or could possible agree to close the relationship later. (If he feels like commenting he can speak for himself on this). This makes me really uneasy and nervous, I dont want any of our time taken up by additional dating, I feel we both have precious little time as it is, and I feel like our relationship is serious enough that i want to show we have some time of commitment, and to me thats closing the relationship.

SO i guess weigh in, if im being unfair...if there are other ways to feel secure about our being committed to each other...
Yes, quite frankly, the way you put what you want makes you sound possessive, very insecure, unreasonable, and a tad immature. It is his life, not yours, and you only need to worry about YOUR relationships, not his. You've been dating for less than a year - you're still getting to know each other. He should not have to get permission from you to be in as many relationships as he can manage. If you're concerned about STIs, take whatever precautions make you feel comfortable. If you want to have a guarantee of a set amount of days or hours with him, all you can do is request it and if he wants the same thing, it will be up to him to see if he can meet your request. If you become disappointed in how he runs his relationship with you, then examine why and speak up about it. But you don't get a say in how he runs his other relationships. And dictating to him how many people he can be with isn't your place. His having other relationships does not necessarily mean you will be shortchanged in your own with him. And in reality, if you're insecure, you're insecure - nothing he does or doesn't do will help your own sense of security and esteem, etc.

Feeling secure does not have anything to do with the type or number of relationships you have - it's an inside job. You need to feel secure in yourself and not be so needy of other people to reassure you and make you feel valued.
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Last edited by nycindie; 09-04-2013 at 08:21 PM.
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