Originally Posted by nycindie
Well, if she wants to be in a vee, it's pushy and insensitive to force her into a triad. It sounds like you're disappointed that the ideal configuration you had in mind is not what she had in mind. But so what?
However, the way you describe it, "where her husband and I focus on her" is not what I would call a vee. That just sounds self-centered and like she's not really ready for any kind of polyamory. A vee would mean simply that all three of you are not involved with the other. Why not just keep your relationships separate and stop trying to fit into some pre-conceived ideal?
But she says she doesnt want a "v," she says she wants everyone together with everyone. More triangular. Where she and I can be alone, or all three of us together, or the husband and I can be alone.
We discussed this in the very beginning. I did my research, I asked the questions. "What are you comfortable with, who sleeps with who, are there any boundaries I need to know, how do we handle disagreements, etc etc. " I dont jump into something that I know is going to be different without researching it.
But the problems arise when all three of us are together when she feels she isnt included all the time. Or if we are focused on something else or not checking in with her, or going and doing what she wants, (the going to bed example.)