View Single Post
  #5  
Old 09-04-2013, 05:32 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,898
Default

Quote:
My husband works afternoons and my boyfriend works days. I spend weeknights doing things with my boyfriend - things like getting groceries, yard maintenance and occasionally going for dinner. I spend time with my husband on weekends (also some chores and some playtime) but my boyfriend likes to do things with me as well. My husband feels like this is time I should spend with him. I try to do things with both.
So...

Right now you spend M-F nights with BF.
Right now you spend Sa-Su split between BF and husband.

Your BF wants you to spend time with him on Sa-Su.
Your husband wants you to leave Sa-Su aside to spend time with him.
You want to spend your time on Sa-Su with both.

Those are all wants. Where are the needs?

How much time does the relationship with husband need to be healthy? Not what each of you as individuals want, but the relationship? Relationships need time/space for the relating to happen IN. Can you afford to spend the time? Can you afford NOT to?

And since the larger polyship health is made up of all the healths of the mini relationships within it ... are you willing to tend to this tier of relationship and give it the time it needs to be healthy? Both for you, DH, the relationship itself, and the harmony of the larger polyship as a whole?

You could assess your situation with your poly people and determine what the best schedule is for this fall, then assess again later to figure out the plan for winter.

FWIW, I think it is reasonable for your DH to ask for waking time to spend with just him. Sharing sleep time is nice, but you are not awake and interacting and relating while asleep.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 09-04-2013 at 05:40 AM.
Reply With Quote