View Single Post
Old 09-03-2013, 09:31 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 8,972

Hello ColorsWolf,
Welcome to our forum.

You post many things that are worth thinking about and are relevant to the vector of relationship culture today. If you are skeptical about the idea that, "I love you so very much that I know what your thoughts are," you are in the right place because polyamorous wisdom strongly encourages verbal communication and not relying on "mind-reading." While love certainly has its romantic aspect, it also has a practical side, and communication is the most important part of that.

"I look at shows where Bill falls in love with Jenna, but Jenna doesn't feel the same way at first, so Bill moves on and falls in love with Jasmine, Jasmine falls in love with Bill right away, but then Jenna comes back and finally admits she loves Bill, now Bill must choose ... Why?"
Luckily, there are a couple of shows that address that very issue: Paint Your Wagon (1969, Lee Marvin, Jean Seberg, Clint Eastwoods) and Bandits (2001, Billy Bob Thorton, Cate Blanchett, Bruce Willis). Plus there have been several other poly movies made over the years. My personal favorites are December Bride (1990, Donal McCann, Saskia Reeves, Ciarán Hinds), A Small Circle of Friends (1980, Brad Davis, Karen Allen, Jameson Parker), and Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008, Rebecca Hall, Javier Bardem, Scarlett Johansson). All of these shows present the startling idea that "you don't always have to choose."

From your description, it sounds like you are not looking for relationships where you are "tied down" (such as to a situation or a location), but rather relationships where there is an "emotional connection" (and not just a physical aspect). Polyamory is all about the emotional side of a romantic relationship, so you should find yourself among friends here. Some people do admittedly add an element of commitment. I am in a polyfidelitous V, and we consider it to be very much like a marriage. But not every poly person has a marriage-like arrangement.

You may very well be a "relationship anarchist." Relationship Anarchy (RA) is a form of polyamory in which relationships are not formally defined, so that one is not expected to behave strictly as a "friend," a "spouse," a "lover," a "partner," or what have you, in the company of any one (or more) other person (or persons). Many relationship anarchists simply call everyone they know "friend." This freedom from RD (Relationship Definitionism) enables several parallel relations that can each be friendly, sensual, and sexual. As with other forms of polyamory, RA depends on the acceptance of all persons involved. A good link regarding RA is

Anyway, I hope you enjoy your stay on this site.
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote