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Old 09-03-2013, 06:18 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,543

I'm not looking for anything 'purely physical' because I don't understand 'purely physical' and it seems very unappealing to me.~ Emotions are a part of who I am and they are a part of everything, so why would I ever want to separate them from anything?~ I don't understand 'purely physical' relationships that other people have, how can some one just 'turn-off' their emotions like that and become a robot?~ (Love-Machine? Haha!~ XD)
*trying this Quote thing - will see how it works.*

Lots of people - men, women, transfolk, genderqueer - find they need emotions to be involved to be or feel sexual. Some folks need to feel in love to feel any desire at all. Lots of poly folk need emotions as part of their sexuality. So you are far from alone.

However, a caution. There are always things we just don't get about other people. People who enjoy sex with others just for the physical contact are not robots who lack all feeling. They don't become the Borg. They just don't have the same emotional set up and needs you do. I personally don't need love to have and enjoy sex. I want a certain level of knowing the other person - I prefer friendship as a starting point for lovers. It's not always a requirement for me but I find that my longest lasting relationships begin as friendships. I find I don't care for truly anonymous sex but those who do, it's not because they feel nothing for themselves or their partner. It's more complex than that. Some like the thrill of the unknown, some like the variety, and lots more reasons.

I've had sex before but it was online in a 3D virtual world (Second Life), I thought why not try out this whole "just bang anyone thing" and it was just like I thought it would be: briefly satisfying but cold and hollow cold *shiver*.~

I stopped playing Second Life, because even without the sex, the things I was doing in that 3D world I wanted to do here in THIS world: I wanted to hold someone, to kiss someone, to touch someone, and the more I realized I had't done that yet here the more depressed I became. So I stopped playing Second Life because it had lost its' appeal to me and it was just too painful to bear anymore.~
So, to make sure I understand, you have not yet had physical sex with another person?

I get that about sex online. I find it enjoyable, sometimes, as flirtation, as a way to get to know someone. But actual cyber sex, even in something as advanced as Second Life, I found unsatisfying. It is electronic masturbation. Nothing wrong with that but not so great, at least for me.

What I want is to love some one, but I don't expect anything and I would rather they not expect anything either, because when you do things in relationships just because they are expected of you, that defeats the whole purpose. I want some one to be with me because they WANT to be with me not out of any sense of obligation.~
You may want to google something called Relationship Anarchy. People who practice this form of ethical non-monogamy do not like to have expectations set on them or set them on others. There is other aspects to it but, as I personally don't practice relationship anarchy, I don't have the knowledge to describe it further. I also have major philosophical differences with it - I don't think it works well and, more importantly, I don't like and agree with the understanding of the world that is the foundation of it.

I look at shows where Bill falls in love with Jenna, but Jenna doesn't feel the same way at first, so Bill moves on and falls in love with Jasmine, Jasmine falls in love with Bill right away, but then Jenna comes back and finally admits she loves Bill, now Bill must choose...why?~

I don't understand these situations the way they are presented in the last parts, why does Bill have to choose between tearing either 1 half of his heart out or the other half, why can't Bill just be honest and say, "I can't possibly choose between either of you, because you both are the two halves of my heart."?
You are likely in the right neighborhood! Poly and other forms of ethical non-monogamy may work well for you. One can only try and see what happens.

I want to love some one, but if they feel any feelings for some one else I'll encourage them to explore those feelings. You can only love 1 person...why?
Ever hear of the phrase "Free Love", they meant it: love that is free with no expectations and completely unconditional, not this distorted concept it has been turned into years later.~ Yes you can have sex with any one you feel like with no expectations and no conditions attached, but that's not all the "Free Love" movement and concept was trying to accomplish.~

It seems people have forgotten the purpose behind the movement and what it even means any more.~ It seems with every revolution there is always a backlash trying to return things to how they once were. It seems between the revolution of love and the backlash that resulted from it created today's: "Free Sex" movement, but still with traditionalist values....weird.~ o.O
Do you mean the free love movements of the Sixties? They did a lot to advance sex positive culture but there was also a dark side to that movement. It was initially really focused on men's pleasure. The concept of consent was not emphasized as much as one would hope. Women were pressured into having sex to prove how counterculture they were. It was not welcoming - at least initially - to lesbians, gay men or bisexuals. (Transfolk were not even in the conversation then.) It was not as free and unconventional as one would hope it was. The LBGT movement and the feminist movement did attempt to address the failings of the free love movement - like knowledge about women's pleasure, women's orgasms, and women's sexual health and that gay people existed and deserved to be who they were openly.

Am I weird for thinking like this, from what I've read I'm not, but is it weird to want love as free as sex is today with no conditions what so ever?
No, not weird at all. It's important to dream, to think about possibilities, even those that others don't agree with or understand.

I personally do not want love without conditions, without expectations. Those things, while uncomfortable and sometimes unreasonable, form part of an interdependent web for me. (Note I said interdependent - not codependent, dependent, or independent.) Connections, for me, are formed in part through conditions, through expectations. I expect my partners to be there for me. I expect to do the same for them. If they are unwilling or unable to do that consistently (hey we are human and fail sometimes) then that relationship cannot stand as it is currently organized. I often wonder - and this is judgmental on my part, I fully acknowledge this - if those who want no expectations, no conditions also want no commitment and connection.

Anyway, very thought provoking!
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