BP Writes so eloquently. I have gained a preference for basically disappearing when things are stressful between Airyn and I.
The following quotes speak to me and my life of the past few months.
The best? Was when he indicated how much it sucked to have an agreement in place, and then do something completely different. I know THAT feeling VERY well. Like, seriously?
This quote here? "The devastating consequences of using veto on people that are in love?" this makes me actually chortle out loud. I think it's more that this is the devastating effect of one partner's lack of integrity and honesty over another. That psychology of yours seems to excuse one person's behaviour, as though love is such an overpowering force that one is hapless in its midst, incapable of making conscious choices for the good of their life.
My heart asks why? Why are we apart? I tell it over and over, but it has its own song that it dances to, and has no interest in the things that my mind tells it. My soul reaches for him, and snaps back into my body over and over with a thunk when I remind it that I have removed him from the house, from my life. My body remembers him in a way that my mind cannot talk it out of.
. . .
After all that we have been through we have every reason to not be together again.
. . .
I know how much my heart loves him still. Has not changed. My body still loves him. Has not changed. My soul still loves him. Has not changed.
. . .
Yet we wound each other. I wound him. He wounds me. He says I try to change him. I see him trying to change me. Can we both just accept ourselves, and in turn each other? Is there a way forward for us?
. . .
He says that he is tired of trying to be someone that he is not. I have to agree - I am tired of trying to be someone that I am not. I cannot be lied to. I cannot be treated callously. Other than that, there is little that I am not willing to stand next to in life when it comes to my heart, and my love.
There is a part of me that thinks I am a fool for even considering it. There is a part of me that things that it would be utterly foolish for us not to. Time has passed, and emotions have ridden high and low on both of our parts. We reflect on ourselves, and our life together, and we are both incredibly leery.
This next quote sound very much like what Airyn has been saying for a while now.
We have lost the dream of the poly-fi triad and I have lost a friend and a lover. It seems BP wants a total break, no communication whatsoever. What choice do I have? Our relationship hangs in the balance. BP wants me to come to these decisions on my own, to naturally defend our relationship at all costs, wants for primary to MEAN something.