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Old 09-03-2013, 10:32 AM
london london is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

It started with me (39M) falling in love with my OSO due to my own marriage problems.
So you fell in love with one person because you were having problems with another?

instead of the secondary relationship helping to improve the primary
Are the purpose of secondary relationships to help the broken, primary relationship then?

You cannot make an introvert an extrovert for example.
Why would anyone want to change anyone else to begin with?

will never say I regret my choice in my wife but we are so different from each other I certainly could have chosen a more compatible person.
There isn't anything wrong with regretting making a long term legal, moral and religious (if you dig that) commitment to someone who is incompatible with you because it means you pretty much have to sacrifice some of your needs or be a complete bastard to them in order to get your needs met.

It's simply because my OSO is an extrovert and my wife a total introvert so naturally there is a friction there.
There doesn't have to be fricition at all. They could stay out of one another's lives and simply learn to work with one another when they have to, such as on your birthday. They could view it like an employee in their team that they don't like. Keep it professional. Your wife needs to realise that she doesn't have to like your partner(s). You do. She just needs to like you.

Case in point is my mother feels closer with my OSO than my wife of 20 years! My friends trying to plan my 40th birthday party call my OSO and not my wife! My brother communicates with my OSO and not my wife. The list goes on and on.
Well actually, whilst it's great that your family accept your polyness, they need to accept you have two partners and they both need to be in the line of communication etc if they are going to accept it properly. Leaving your wife out is quite a shitty thing to do, especially if it is merely based on this introvert/extrovert stuff.

Is the problem just not that your wife has insecurities about you being non monogamous, some of which are completely justified given that you want her to change the essence of who she is and seemingly, so do your family?
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