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Old 09-03-2013, 04:35 AM
poobah123 poobah123 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 48
Default Two couples, Intro/Exro-verted...serious concerns

Can a poly relationship succeed when it involves two couples who are inherently very different?

Quick summary. Myself and my wife are involved with another married couple for sometime. It started with me (39M) falling in love with my OSO due to my own marriage problems. Both relationships involve an extrovert who married an introvert.

After a few years now, instead of the secondary relationship helping to improve the primary, it seems rather it's serving to highlight the incompatibilities that exist in the primary relationship. Thus bringing along a constant feeling of frustration and disappointment. Yes changes have been made on both sides but only to a certain point. I have realized that you can only change so much. You cannot make an introvert an extrovert for example.

Now I have reached a point of complete frustration/anger/resentment in my primary relationship. I will never say I regret my choice in my wife but we are so different from each other I certainly could have chosen a more compatible person. I understand everyone is different in their own way but after years (20) of ignoring my own frustrations due to this incompatibility I am finally paying attention to what I want out of my life. I'm just tired of living with an introvert!

The current most outstanding problem is that my wife really doesn't like my OSO.

My wife views her as annoying and constantly in her life. Why? Well it's not on purpose. It's simply because my OSO is an extrovert and my wife a total introvert so naturally there is a friction there. Case in point is my mother feels closer with my OSO than my wife of 20 years! My friends trying to plan my 40th birthday party call my OSO and not my wife! My brother communicates with my OSO and not my wife. The list goes on and on.

I think to myself sometimes life would be much easier just swapping and ending this but I know everyone has their flaws and it wouldn't be peaches and roses either if we did. So can this succeed or is this headed for failure?
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