View Single Post
  #13  
Old 09-03-2013, 04:18 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 422
Default threesums are easy, triads are hard

and no matter how much thinking you put into it, there are likely to be days that are hard to deal with, but if you always take it one baby step at a time, or one day at a time, and allow yourselves the understanding to make mistakes (which goes the smoothest when you can come back after an emotionally tough day, and recognize the things said or done that may have been closer to mistakes then not) because you will make mistakes, but it's what you do afterward that counts

if you can do that, there will not be anything -- or few things -- that translate to damage beyond repair.

It's my opinion that threesums may complicate things as an introduction to "open" when transitioning as a committed couple, so I shouldn't have started this comment with "threesums are easy" I just meant it is not nearly as hard to find a third for a sexual experience, it's the triad dynamic that is tough, so you may not want to begin with a threesum with your spouse. Some people get turned on to see there spouse with another and some don't do well, but if you are not sure then it seems more likely that it will bring up a "hidden hurt" that you get sucker punched by, so honestly it might be best to try a glory hole and see how that goes.

Another approach would be to have sex in the same bed with another couple but only involved your hands or mostly two separate couples having sex known as "soft swap"

however you wouldn't be the first couple to decide in the heat of the moment that you're ready for a full swap, but right after orgasm some people start to think slightly different

From my limited experience, a good indication of your "THIS IS NOT A DRILL" poly/non-monogamy preparedness is how your conversations with your spouse go, but it is hard to explain in a coherent way. The jist of it is, if you have to verbally dance around certain words it is not a good sign.

the other thing to look out for, is the added excitement of threesum NRE, if you never scream "oh gawd!" and you suddenly do in front of your wife, and it's not because of something she did, it can be a little hard for one's ego to take

so there may be some things you might not have anticipated

so you may want to think about how each of you would feel if you saw the other in a far more "pleasureably animated exhuberence" so to speak, but there to, many many people, both husbands and wives -- everybody really -- has some form of a seriously twisted wild animal that they didn't have the slightest idear was caged, in a closet they didn't even know existed nor did they realize it was part of them. Sometimes one person likes to see their SO's wild side, but they themselves can get comfortable with it and feel ashamed that too can cause damage that some people never learn to get passed

They can be extremely joyous experiences, but it can take some getting used to, and there is nothing wrong with not being comfortable about anything that is YOUR sexuality, in fact nothing is more sure to make things implode or explode then for a person to feel pressured and then the experience becomes a complex. Sex is a powerful and emotional experience, one that I strongly feel is enhanced the more you can consciously get into and unfortunately many people have been already given a rather severe complex before they even reached puberty by well meaning but extremely emotionally damaging "masturbation is bad" teachings. Any subject regarding sex that gets mentioned but not discussed thoroughly enough so that an understanding can be had risks giving a person a sexual complex. Sex is better being fully present as opposed to detached and if you enter a situation that your spouse later has to work hard to forget it is a recipe for damage beyond repair,

so be cautious won't ever be as damaging as leaping without looking.

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 09-03-2013 at 05:02 AM. Reason: typos
Reply With Quote