It's not a decision to be made lightly
you may be getting a little ahead of yourself and if you are not careful you will likely trip. The world isn't ready to be involved in the most private interactions of your life -- at least not without inadvertently causing hardships -- So if you do choose to be out proud & loud, just realize you are inviting a lot of negativity into your life, it often ends up destroying relationships as it will "test" your relationship. I wouldn't recommend doing so without a strong and well established system of support
the kind that recognizes the difference between harming and helping
because there is a difference between good deeds, and good intentions
You might want to wait until you know your husband is on board and this is the life he truly desires, because it isn't rare that once close family members will suddenly see your behavior as irresponsible, bad, and even evil when often the case is anything but, however keep in mind that it is all to easy to find yourself "loving foolishly"
which should be avoided regardless of mono or polyamory
Your children at any age -- until they are in the same stage as you are in your life -- will not benefit from such detailed information about your personal sex life. So unless they are recognized by a county as "married" and have kids of their own, now is not the time to begin explaining details of your personal, private, sexual encounters. Did you have discussions with your children regarding the finer details of "sex ed" or was it left to the school system? While their are some parents who have raised their children with strict infusion of reality, it is a very difficult line to toe and still allow them their childhood innocence of not having the knowledge of just how cruel and unusual this world can be when humans lose sight of humanity.
Some parents have fostered relationships wherein the time comes for sex ed and their children do ask of specific, detailed, personal experiences. And to be honest, their households probably had an complete absence of "the media" in their household because most raised in today's river of Egypt society children plug their ears and run away screaming -- even though the "programmed" displays of media have attempted to present a clean, presteen, perfect model.
However much like our denial of reality that most media is broadcasted only to make money, that perfect world displayed is programmed. And that is a reality, just like the reality that people who are in such a firm grip of denial, they believe questioning your children about your sex life is "looking out for their best interest"
if you're lucky they won't approach your kids and only attempt to convince your husband that you couldn't really care about him or your children.
It's a sad truth that humans have trouble understanding other humans, and the reason is because so many humans choose to live in denial. It's much more convenient and easier to justify lying to others and ourselves than it is to practice honesty.
"Loving the neighbor as thyself" does not mean being infatuated with them, it means empathy, it means being able to put yourself in their position so that the way you understand your own feelings can be the understanding you allow them the benefit of your self knowledge. What I mean by that is most people understand how they can desire others and not have it affeect their love for their spouse yet have trouble understanding how their spouse can desire to love another and not have their love of you diminished
But the only way to have love not be affected is to be responsible, and that [being responsible with truth and love] along with being able to understand others as you understand yourself is the hard part
and lucky for monogamists that the exact same irresponsible behavior and not genuinely caring for spouses in they way we think we do and the failed relationships left in the wake do not have the destructive help of a bigoted society who they themselves are in denial about their own hatred.
Yes, it isn't easy to have poly relationships with children in your household, HOWEVER appropriate levels of displayed affection do not damage children, and it truly is the human race's failure as a society that is the root of the problem, it's that denial which keeps us from being honest that prevents us from listening to ourselves when we know the truth, because we all have no problem what-so-ever distinguishing between hatred and love -- at least not after the fact -- but only when we take the time to reflect on our actions daily, as we all get emotional and temporarily forget what we know
and we all know these things
it's just easier today to take the convenient road, but it leads us to a shitty tomorrow unless we choose to remember
Sorry for the heaviness of my reply, I hope you and any reader do recognize that I genuinely believe this, and honestly am trying to write something that will help. It just seems so much easier to solve all the problems if we're going to solve one, if that makes any sense.
Last edited by Dirtclustit; 09-03-2013 at 02:01 AM.