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Old 09-03-2013, 01:34 AM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
Posts: 545

I certainly understand! I will share my process.

I am 56 years old. I was raised in the Deep South (Bible belt) as a good little Catholic girl. My parents are monogamous and (until my Dad passed) were together for 58 years. I was raised in a monogamous culture and was told fairy tales which supported the idea that there is that perfect one person for each of us and that we would meet them, marry them and live happily ever after.

All of the movies support that as well as music, books, magazines etc. About 4 years ago (at the age of 52) I decided that monogamy didn't make sense to me any more and that despite what the culture teaches, it isn't working out so well in general for the culture either.

I went through an angry phase for about a year. Angry at the culture that brainwashed me to believe that a monogamous relationship is the only type of valid relationship.

Then- I got angry at myself. I have always considered myself to be a free thinker. But I got angry at myself for buying into something that suddenly seemed like a bunch of bullshit.

Once I processed and worked through my anger and frustration is when I began to visualize what I wanted to create for myself.

I moved forward with confidence, honesty and discernment. My primary partner and I discussed things a lot and we moved forward and began to meet people.

Until you actually start meeting and interacting with people, you really don't know how things are going to be.

We approach the lifestyle from a place of trust in each other, honesty with one another, consideration for one another.

We have had a few situations where one of us felt uncomfortable and we worked through it.

For me it is a matter of

1- giving myself permission to question authority and what the culture has taught me my entire life.

2- giving myself permission to make my own rules

3- make my own rules and set out to find others that are open to them (and there are a lot of them fortunately!)

And the way I am able to feel good about myself and my life is because I operate from a place of authentic honesty- confidence, consideration, passion and humor.

I guess I am saying the same thing as I said before, but your post seemed to imply that you are the only one who has been brainwashed about monogamy and I would just suggest that everyone has.
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.
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