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Old 09-03-2013, 01:17 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by JacobJT View Post
Thanks everybody, and thank you much for this Ariakas. It really sounds like you perhaps 'speak both tongues', and that's so refreshing. I've found few in the male dating advice/pua community who think anything positive about polyamory, and few in the polyamory community that speak 'game' or male dating/attraction psychology stuff. Actually it sounds like you not only speak it, but also embody it!
Honestly, I realized being poly wasn't any different than being monogamous. In the end, being yourself and being comfortable with that, is what makes you attractive. Alpha, beta, zeta or dolphin. Doesn't matter. Confidence and knowing yourself help you communicate and relate to people better.

I've been looking for some people with both these understandings under their belt for some assistance. The poly people I've met in my area are nice enough, but many of them are very submissive, some even have cuckold fetishes, which is fine if that's what they're into but its definitely not my cup of tea.
It happens, poly is as individual as mono, maybe more so, since we understand our differences better at times and even embrace them.

I'm definitely an early stage reforming beta nice guy, have been most of my 36 years with some periods of time of hyper confidence and authentic autonomy splashed in for good measure, but I usually would lapse back into my old characteristics fairly quickly. I was practicing some game when I ran into my current gf. Not in the artificial sense of routines or mind tricks, just in the sense of working on inner stuff, becoming a more confident and outgoing expression of myself, noticing old habits and social behaviors that were just ingrained in me so deeply they were like breathing, and trying out what it was like not to do them. I definitely started to exude a more 'alpha' side of myself, while still not contorting myself into someone that I'm not. And then I met my current gf. Things were very hot and heavy for a while, and still can be from time to time, but you know the story with newly reformed cases like me, I quickly lapsed back into beta behavior patterns as that has always been how I behaved in relationship. Recently with all the poly shake up I've sort of snapped out of it and noticed that I can begin building and stoking that initial level of attraction again from time to time, but I've been so torn up by this poly schtuff and all the talking about it and emotional drama that I quickly fall back into beta territory.
I don't think beta means what you think it means. Beta is like an alpha in waiting, at least thats my understanding. It doesn't imply a personality type.

Just like all alphas aren't raging douche bags. You can be a leader and not be an controlling asshat..

Just saying ..

I've been thinking that there must be a more 'alpha', or even 'omega' response to polyamory, but being a in-process reforming beta it's very easy for me to justify some of my thinking as potentially 'omega' integrated beta traits , when in fact it's just beta crap again.
*shrugs* no more or less than regular society.

I know to a lot of people this stuff sounds like non-sense, but hopefully maybe not. Just like monogamy is ingrained in us by our parents/teachers/religions/marketing/society, so is a bunch of crap about how to be a 'good guy', and a lot of it is beta submissive behavior which under the hood is often much more manipulative than 'alpha' behavior which tends to be overt rather than covert in it's motives more of the time. But also many Beta traits are just not attractive on an evolutionary psychology level. They tend to communicate lower value, lack of self confidence, attempts to control and manipulate, mask motives, etc.
Good guys don't have to be submissive.. again, personality vs actions don't always match up.

So I'm just truly looking for a more alpha or omega perspective around polyamory so I can start to see my way out of this illusion that it is some secret feminine agenda to maximize pluralistic mating tendencies and play a better game of hypergamy.
It isn't.. period. .. but it is about making sure everyone is heard, understood and has safety to speak and be heard. Unless its a BDSM world, dominance isn't necessarily part of poly.. or any relationship.

The thing is that I'm not just trying to game girls, I'm trying to have fun and date, but also have honest and loving responses and relationships with the woman (or women) closest to me. There are so few role models that I've encountered so far that understand game and polyamory, and this probably has at least something to do with the fact that I live in Michigan and not cali or ny etc., it's rather corn and potatoes out here still, even in the major suburbs in terms of semi conservative lifestyles and lack of population density.
Be honest, and be true to yourself, and be clear about your expectations, and don't pigeon hole your needs.

I think the approach as dating and having fun can work. But there are those who are "meaningful" relationship seeking only. Thats a tough balance to find but be honest. That way you don't game yourself into a bad reputation. Not all girls (not just poly) want to play the dating game. If you do.. be honest.

By the way, I understand what you mean by game, but a lot of people find it offensive.. just the way it is viewed.. might want to rework some of your vocabulary haha.. you aren't actually gaming the girls.. you want to date, have fun and see where that relationship gets you..

Game can have other negative connotations.
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