Originally Posted by Marcus
In your particular situation I don't see anything irrational about feeling some insecurity.
Being a dirty little secret would make me mondo insecure.
To be fair, even though I'm sad about secrecy, I wouldn't want to be outed as poly, either. I'm already gay in the bible belt... that is challenging enough for me. I completely understand why we must keep things secretive. Besides, there are certain areas where we are able to be outwardly affectionate with one another. They are just severely limited, and I knew going into the situation what I would be facing.
I've done a lot of self-reflecting this weekend, and I've been doing some heavy duty reading on the topic. To be quite honest, I think it just boils down to being honest with myself about my fears/insecurities. I've never had security issues before... and I think it has more to do with this being my first poly experience, and not really knowing what to expect. All three of us have excellent communication, and we are aware of each others' struggles. It's just difficult for me to un-learn what society tells us is normal, and re-learn love by looking at what my own experiences have taught me.
As you can see, I have good moments and bad moments.
But all in all, this is a very exciting experience, and I'm happy to be a part of it. I just need to re-evaluate every now and again. Even though my insecurities haven't all magically disappeared, I feel that I am developing the tools I need to cope with them. I'm learning there's a difference between talking about insecurities with your partner and using them as a dumping ground. I'm also learning that I am the only one responsible for my emotions. I hope I can continue down this path of discovery and growing. I feel myself slowly being able to just let go, relax, and enjoy the ride.