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Old 09-02-2013, 01:21 AM
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Bluebird Bluebird is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 2,454

I just felt jealousy toward my metamour for the first time today. M is returning from a 4 day trip away, and his wife left him a message in a mostly private online account (an app that the 3 of us share with a couple other friends), saying she can't wait to see him, and she'll be making him something special for his birthday dinner tomorrow night. Also that the repairs to their house will be complete then, and it'll be great to have time together in the bedroom.

So much jealousy right now. I am trying to experience it fully - to understand it.

Today is M's birthday, and he should be getting home right about now. I haven't seen him in almost a week, and I wish I could see him at this moment. I am happy that his wife can instead - he deserves to be welcomed home with excitement and love. Not jealous of that. I mean, I wish I was there, but I don't feel jealousy. Mostly because I get to spend the entire day with him tomorrow - I can't wait!

I bought him and made him a small grouping of gifts, which I am fairly certain he will love. So I am looking forward with happiness to gifting the presents to him tomorrow. I hadn't thought about him getting things from anyone else, but duh! So that jealousy is easily pushed away and turned to compersion. How awesome that he is going to get many things from people who care about him. I am now wondering what she got for him to eat tomorrow? I don't know a whole lot about what foods he likes to eat, other than seafood, because neither his wife nor I care for it, which he complains about. he eats lots of roast beef and burgers when we are out, but other than that, I am curious to learn what he enjoys to eat.

No, the big jealousy that reared its head is the implied sex part. I know they have not been intimate for a couple of weeks, and I am SO looking forward to having the STD test results back on Tuesday, so M and I can finally be together when I see him again and he stays overnight on Thursday for the first time. To think that she has the opportunity to be with him when I can't - it bothers me a bit. No, a lot. Worse is that I think my period will be here then, so I still won't get what I have been waiting for. So I am having trouble being happy about her sexing him up when that's what I can't stop thinking about ME doing right now.

This is a new feeling for me. I can't say that I like it.

I just talked all this through with my husband and I amused him. Now I feel amused. What a strange trip this poly thing is! Never have I had to think about a partner in this way before. My jealousy is lessened a bit just talking it out, and writing about it too. It isn't a terrible feeling, though it did take my breath away in the first instant that I felt it, because I was surprised by the initial intensity and unexpected shock of it.
A modern day polyamorous polygamist My Online Journal

Me, center of a MFM V-shaped polycule (40F)
Wife to DarkKnight (41M) & PunkRockAwesomesauce (44M)
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