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Old 09-01-2013, 08:08 PM
gingersnap gingersnap is offline
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 7
Unhappy Uneven Attention

Ok, so I would really love some advice on my current snag.
We've been dating for 7 months, and had multiple check-ins during that time. We are usually pretty happy together, except for my girlfriend. She is having issues with "sharing" the attention (not really the sexual attention. That is an additional matter). But not between her and I or her and her husband, but when her husband and I give each other attention even with her there.

Her example: when we all hang out (on the bed, in the living room etc.) and she "space outs" but when she comes out of it, myself and her husband are talking about other things/playing/wrestling, and she then feels left out. Or she feels left out if she wants to go to bed, and the rest of us dont. So she wont go to bed. She'll stay awake and repeat that she is tired until we go to sleep. So she wants us to constantly check in on her. Or involve her without her just involving herself.

I mean I get it, she grew up as an only child. She tells me how her parents drop everything for her, and when she would go home and visit they would go out of their way to accommodate her, or cancel their own plans (she's now dealing with her parents not dropping their plans for her on her upcoming trip and shes confused by it). And her husband is extremely kind and giving, and hates to see her cry (which is in any situation regarding emotion). He considers himself lucky to have a wife (and now girlfriend) and would rather just change things for her then argue or cause problems or have his own opinions. Its just easier for him to change and go with whatever she decides. So shes always been the center of attention.

I dont understand it because I give her the same attention I give her husband, and he gives her much more attention then he gives me (which I dont have a problem with). But I feel like she is expecting this relationship to be more of a V (with her at the bottom) instead of the triangle it was ment to be. And I dont know how to talk to her about this.

I dont want to cater to her, because Im not responsible for her insecurities, and I dont think that its fair. Its also confusing to me because I want to also receive attention from him, but he then has to overcompensate to her (especially if he and I have sex. He has to then make sure she feels like she received the same amount I got...even though they live together and have sex together all the time without me.) But if I dont cater to her and be more comfortable and myself, then she feels left out or overshadowed by me. This isnt going to work if I have to constantly be catering or tiptoeing around my girlfriend.

Any advice is appreciated!
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