Without the huge long backstory of who I am, who we are (couple), and what we are developing right now-I am interested in learning more and although unable to put a label on who I am or feel like, or want in relationships-how do I learn the terminology, or varieties of poly/non-monogamy/open relationships so I can better understand myself, and my increasing desires to have a full loving life with my husband but also him and I exploring outside of our somewhat traditional marriage.
Any book recommendations out there? I have recently picked up "Opening Up" and I am really enjoying it. For the first time in my history I feel I, and we (my primary partner/dh) are trying to be more authentic in who we are, what we want, what we need, and what we value. I feel excited discovering YES I have been denying this aspect of my self and it has been detrimental to my relationships and sense of self. I am hopeful, excited, and want to be able to better define "this picture" in my head. Not having multiple husbands all equal. Having my primary person that I love, care, respect, and would do anything for. But, for him or I to develop caring relationships, friendships who have a deep caring, respect, loving , sexy fun private life...
My partner feels he could just get some of his needs met casually (sexual, that I am having some hangups about) but cherishes friendships, caring, respectful, considerate lovers as well. He is currently seeing someone on a casual basis and has developed into, through communication (I have not met the other person) a respect for eachother (myself for who she is (and excitability obviously), and this other person having respect for me, caring regardless of knowing me...It's hard for me to put into words. This feeling of a whole circle of love and support. It feels warm, it fills in these gaps that I feel we were having, it interests us both, and makes our relationship better. It helps our communication and it's genuinely the best thing that has developed in my life-understanding that this is more like who I am and constantly denying the want and need for loving outside of a marriage (TBD of the rules, circumstances, etc) has been really affecting my self-esteem.
Anyhow, any advice on helping with this journey of self-discovery and putting a few words to describe what I am visualizing or feeling would be helpful. I am a visual person so I have trouble putting the "right words" out there. Any books, websites, forums that might prove useful? Even anything to find out what I might be interested in sexually? Am a complete novice here, it feels like.
We do have children and I know that discretion at this point in my life is vital. Perhaps in time I will feel I can own who I am but until then, and until my confidence develops around it-I think I need to keep it discreet so hard for me to say "Hey, monog. friends...thinking I want to have a bf on the side" hehe.
Thank you for listening to my super long novella here. Looking forward to any responses or pm's