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Old 08-31-2013, 05:34 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zampana View Post
I'm looking to meet people to fall in love with, while at the same time maintaining a beautiful relationship. Maybe in the future they can join our family or we can join theirs, maybe we'll live parallel lives together, I don't know.
Do you mind my asking: I very much understand poly in the cases where someone unexpectedly falls in love with a second person. But what is it that made you decide, as a conscious decision to seek out a second person with whom to fall in love? How do you see this enhancing your life? I know in some ways, the answer to that is 'obvious,' and yet I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by zampana View Post
I'm very conscious of what I'm asking from a woman, and hope/plan/wish that my new relationship(s) will have as much love and attention as my longer term one.
Can you spell out, in bullet points, 1) what exactly it is you're asking from a woman, and 2) what exactly you have to offer her in return.

For instance, are you asking her to enter into a potentially lifelong relationship while accepting clear boundaries on how far this relationship can go (no living together, no company parties together, no meeting your family ever, spending holidays alone, no children together, no mingling of finances, no supporting each other financially in buying a home or providing for retirement), or, are you asking her to accept that she may or may not have these things to look forward to with you, or are you asking her only to understand that these things are on the table just as with any other relationship with the only caveat being that it will be an unconventional 'marriage' in which you have two effective spouses?

What does 'as much love and attention as my longer term one' look like in real terms? Equal split of time? Living together?

Quote:
Originally Posted by zampana View Post
This is one of the big current struggles I'm having -- my partner is in the middle of these two, albeit long distance relationships, but they're both intense in their own ways and demand time and attention that is suddenly not available for me. Of course. Duh. Tricky though. Hopefully uncomfortable just because it's all so new and I'm rebooting everything I know about romantic relationships
My concern with this statement would be: how much of your decision to seek out a second person to love is about filling that hole that's left by your current girlfriend's absence?
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