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Old 08-31-2013, 04:14 PM
Phlox Phlox is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Illinois,USA
Posts: 14

As a poly woman who is in a Vee with a man who has a monogamous wife, and who is actively searching for a female so, I vote no on this question.

I think it depends a lot on a person's definition of poly.For me, poly, swinging and FWB are very different types of relationships.I have experienced all three, and I am definitely more on the poly side, as the cultivating of relationships in AND out of the bedroom is very important to me.

It has been understood from the beginning by us all that I will eventually have a female partner.My metamour would like to see this happen as soon as possible, as she has some security issues with our relationship (and I don't blame her at all for feeling this way),due to past events in their lives in which a couple of his BDSM partners attempted to usurp their relationship and become his "only only." I would like to find her as soon as possible also, but having come out of one long term, unhealthy relationship, I am not willing to just jump into anything to reassure everyone or to deal with my occasional feelings of loneliness.There are certain things that are important to me in a relationship, and I look for signs of these while searching for dates.

It is no easier for me to find a woman for a relationship that it is a man. Casual sex or an FWB, no problem.I get asked for that quite often, but that is not what I am looking for.Thus far, I find women are just as hesitant to try a poly style relationship with a woman as they are with a man. Most women around here are monogamous.Most bi women looking outside of their current relationship are looking for a unicorn they can share with their partner for casual sex, or an FWB to play with when their partner is not around. They are not searching for a woman they can have a very meaningful relationship with in it's own right-and especially NOT a single woman who has a serious relationship with a married so (I am guessing it smacks of "potential home wrecker" to them). They can't seem to wrap their head around the idea that I have a very committed relationship with this man whom I love very much AND a separate life from him also.They can't understand the dynamics of the fact that I love and respect my metamour (she and I have some interests in common that our partner doesn't), just in a different way than I love my partner-but that I view them BOTH as my family.They can't seem to realize that my relationship with him is my relationship with HIM, and that our relationship would be an entity in it's own right, and just as important.

It doesn't help that I live in a very conservative area. There aren't too many openly gay couples here,although the tides are slowly turning, and definitely no completely open poly relationships (although a few people know about ours).I know of one openly bi woman, but she tends toward FWB and is not looking for anything else.

I am trying to patiently (kind of a problem, lol) keep myself open to the possibility of meeting her. I am posting on dating sites, and trying to get out more, as being around people increases the odds of actually meeting someone. In the meantime I am working on my life, pursuing things that interest me, and enjoying the time I have with my so (who is also actively helping me find someone-we have very similar tastes in women).
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