Thanks for your response. I know I've probably come off scatterbrained and slightly negative in this thread, but I hope people can take into consideration that I've been coming from a place of crises and there's been a major war in my head. I've been looking at everything, from the most positive to the most negative outlooks possible, and I agree that I need a break.
I appreciate your advice and will consider it. But also I've felt like some of the 'just own your own feelings' or 'better yourself, find a distraction, find a hobby' bits of advice to be a bit scary. I mean sure, I can note a negative feeling and not make a judgement about it, but if poly were all about having negative feelings and just 'noting them', why would I want a life of that?! Or if I'm constantly trying to distract myself from uncomfortable emotions when she's out with others, isn't that just that, distracting myself? I want to pass through these things, not just distract and desensitize myself from them all the time. I'm sure there's more to this advice than I'm reading, perhaps this is just advice to get through the early discomfort and peace and serenity and 'compersion' emerge later? But I don't just want to use mind tricks to sit through or distract from constantly painful experiences.