At a cross roads.
Unfortunately I think I have come to a huge cross roads in my marriage.
My husband honestly I thinks goes along with my relationship with Murf. Because he knows there kind of no choice on my end. I am who I am. At first he thought he could manipulate the situation to meet his wants. Intimacy comes with a price with him. He is heavily into BDSM and honestly I can not partake. It creeps me out makes me feel dirty and etc. I have given him the freedom to pursue an outlet but he doesn't . He actually there for a while wanted ME to find him play partners. ummmm no I am not your pump.
When I first started seeing Murf my husband would demand I come home and play with him. I tried I do not like seeing him miserable . I was the one who was miserable. I couldn't and can't do it.
For 13 years I have explained I can not get into his fetishes. I know that it is apart of him and he can't change that. He says he understands says he will stop asking me for things i can not give him but then keeps right on asking anyway. He can't make love to me without trying to throw in some kink somewhere.
He has pushed me to the point where I do not want him to touch me. Even normal conversation gets twisted to talk about one of his wants. For example I have been feeling sicker than a dog since yesterday . This morning he brings up needing to discuss what I would be willing to do play wise. Really that is the last thing on my mind. I was trying to tame my stomach and guts.
I think some couples therapy maybe in order. Unfortunately finding a poly or sex positive counseling may be extremely difficult. I am not willing to give up my other relationship. Murf honestly brings me peace.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.