Decided to Wait on Poly but...
As my name suggests (ALpolyman) that at least I, or my wife and I, are poly. Well, I guess that's a bit of a misnomer now. Let me explain. We determined a long time ago that we both desired to have a woman to love (more than just sex) in a triad fashion. In trying to make a triad happen, we quickly figured out that we would need to open ourselves up to the other facets of poly...that is us dating other people without the involvement of the spouse. We talked about this over the past few months and I thought we were on the right track to begin this endeavor. We were going to create OKC profiles and begin a search and take things slow. But, I kept noticing some hesitancy in my wife and I never could get her to explain what it was. As I mentioned in a previous post, she's a "type A", impatient, and sometimes difficult to get her to spill the beans on how she feels. Deeply involved conversations usually take several "sessions" because she's always ready to move on in some fashion. But, very recently, our conversation went something like this: My wife is focusing on starting her business, getting stuff ready for Halloween (her favorite holiday), etc, etc. She feels as though we really don't have the time. But, beyond that, she feels that her jealousy and mine, is something so difficult to overcome that it may be to the detriment of our marriage. Furthermore, even though she wants to have the full-on woman-on-woman experience with or without me, she doesn't want it nearly as bad as I want to be with another woman. So, we decided to table the idea and talk about it in a few more months.
Here's my take on this: I'm in agreement with what she said. I feel the same way and I empathize and sympathize with how she feels. Even if I had sex with another woman and she said “yeah, go for it” and meant it, I would probably be sick to my stomach afterward and would probably be an emotional wreck for a little while. I guess it’s because I have so much self-integrity and a moral compass that breaking “my own rules” or “breaking society’s rules” will make me crazy. Still, I have this underlying desire to experience being with another woman, preferably in a threesome scenario but I suspect that’s highly unlikely at first. I can’t really explain why and I don’t know what to do about it. No, I won’t ever cheat on her…my heart absolutely wouldn’t let me and even if I did, I couldn’t live with that decision. I’m very loyal. Now, I still have the freedom to flirt as I please but anything beyond obviously requires a conversation. I guess the bottom line here is that I’m fine waiting for a while and revisiting. But, I know the jealousy thing will still be there no matter how long we decided to wait. I truly believe that we would have to just take it slow if we decided to open ourselves up to dating and talk about it and see how we feel. I won’t force anything on her either. So, what’s a man to do? I’ve already peeked inside the Christmas gift enough to see what’s inside that I’m ready to tear the wrapping off but it’s not time yet. Thoughts?