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Old 08-31-2013, 01:18 PM
london london is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

Well almost as soon as she met my partner she stopped talking to me and they hid from me that they were falling for eachother.
Well, polyamory is under the umbrella of ethical non monogamy; not being forthcoming with your partners' isn't very ethical.

Also I have been going back and forth between being a slave and a submissive which also split my attention.
You know, there are submissives with real old school protocol and rules and then there are slaves who can essentially do as they like when they like. Surely, finding someone who you could have a healthy power exchange with should be your goal, not achieving a label. What if someone wanted you to be called their slave, but literally had no protocol for you to follow? Or what if someone wanted you to be their submissive, but expected you to ask before you ate, drunk or urinated?

Do I believe non mono/mono relationships can work? I'm skeptical - I think it can work with a monogamous person who really believes that their partner having sexual and/or romantic relationships with other people doesn't devalue or threaten their relationship. Now, polyamory, to me, speaks about a very specific form of consensual non monogamy. In this form of non monogamy, there are no limits to the emotional availability one can have outside of their primary style relationship. You'll notice I say "primary style" because I believe those terms refer to levels of practical entanglement rather than who one loves the most. I am more skeptical about the success and authenticity of poly/mono relationships because I think whilst it is easier to accept your partner loving someone else or having sex with someone else, it's very hard to accept both.

I do believe that some people learn to live with it over time, but at a sacrifice. I think that the part of them that needs monogamy in their relationships dies eventually, and I don't think that is healthy. Some people really don't feel that their partner not being monogamous devalues their relationship and can experience compersion and all those sorts of "poly" feelings although they aren't poly. Those people I'd put in the poly box simply because I believe that the majority of having healthy poly relationships is being able to accept your partner(s) seeing other people. It's quite easy to understand and believe that having more than one partner yourself doesn't compromise how you feel about any of those people, but trusting that same concept in someone else is more difficult.
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