Originally Posted by Flear
zampana, what is poly to you ?
so what does poly mean to you ?, what does it mean to your wife ?
all the same goes for your wife.
she may be having an easier time of it now, which is fine if that's what she wants, ... if it's not what she wants though, well it's not going to make her happy then. just like yourself.
Excellent questions and definitely something I need to think more about.
Polyamory to me is clearly multiple loves, loving more than one at the same time. I'm looking to meet people to fall in love with, while at the same time maintaining a beautiful relationship. Maybe in the future they can join our family or we can join theirs, maybe we'll live parallel lives together, I don't know. But this certainly more than just one-night stands and hookups.
Yes, my partner has lots of opportunity, but she also has a head start, in that she's been loving multiple people for many years, whether it's old boyfriends or new friends who have the potential to grow into deeper relationships. This comes easier to her, because she's been doing it (without knowing what "it" is) since before we married, and all through our marriage, while honoring sexual fidelity.
And it's not surprising I guess that her first relationship out of the gates would be a homerun (other than his moving overseas, which wasn't known until after they started seeing each other). She has the instinct for this, whereas I've held myself back for so long, I don't really have any idea where to meet people, who will be "right" for this sort of thing, etc.
I'm hoping this is just early days jitters, and that once I tune into people who are going to be open to this, everything will roll in a natural, unforced way. Just tough when she's already fallen in love (twice) and I'm sitting around wondering when I'll even get a chance to have a drink with someone, much less go any deeper...