Writing all of this down is giving me some relief. I'm going to really need the relief on their next date night though. I've been in this arrangement for 5 months now, and for the last 2 weeks I've felt more anxiety than before on their date nights.
Thanks for the quick replies. I am relieved that some other poly people agree that we do compare ourselves to our metamours.
He's taller than me and has a really nice smooth complexion. I'm short and have mild acne scars. It makes me feel inferior to him concerning my relationship with her, but it also is something that I'm attracte to about him, since I'm not exactly striaght.
Being shorter is not as big of a deal in my life anymore actually, but I do find it to be an attractive quality that he has. I mostly feel bad about being 5' 7" when new women overlook me. Since I'm already with her, and her husband appears to be 5' 6". My being shorter isn't all that bad. It is just the icing on the cake if I'm baking a cake about feeling inferior.
What gives me anxiety is that she is very well educated, and so is he. He has a sense of humor and seems to go on more exciting "party-like" dates. He can really speak well and captivate her. I feel like I fumble around. So, my being shorter is small chips compared to these last things that I've mentioned.
Yes, I have used all of this as motivation for self-improvement. I'm conciously working on my conversation skills. I've been owning audio CD's on the subject since long before I met her. I'm also going to be concious about having "fun" on dates with her.
I'm also working out again, as I've noted that she likes to admire my shape. She has complimented me. She also complimented me on being romantic, and I've been doing well at that since I realized early on that I had many creative things to do for her. Finally, my room, or my things appear neat and organized. I noticed that she kept her home that way, so I knew that if I did so too, that she would feel comfortable. I can be neat, or have an organized mess. I've lived both ways, so I chose to keep my space similar to how she would keep her space. Boyfriend #2 has very much clutter, and that stands out to her.
I pointed out those last things that she likes about me because I feel that it is important to this debate to admit that there are a couple of things that I do feel confident about. So, here's more observations (with some repeats). ---I can be clean, I can be fit, and I can be creatively romantic. I can't be funny, articulate, well educated, tall, etc.. (Ok, maybe I can make her laugh once in a while). I ride bicycles with her and her hubby. He does not. I ride horses extremely well, so does she, but her other partners either don't ride, or don't ride well.
Honestly, having less of an education, and being less articulate than her, or boyfriend #2, is a tough one for me. I may enroll my a** into a public speaking class, or something similar.
Last edited by Vexxed; 02-19-2010 at 07:20 PM.