Originally Posted by JacobJT
Thanks everybody, I definitely need to 'find my own voice' in all this. I'm just searching and collecting data but I'm pretty much on information overload at this point (not that it's gonna stop me lol).
I just needed to hear some stronger mature masculine perspectives on polyamory for a minute. So many of the people I've met from my area have been women or naturally more submissive/passive guys. I really need to surf around this board a little more and read posts from the guys on how polyamory came into their lives and what it means to them. I've been very mono hardwired all my life and seeing as this has come about from the outside my systems have perceived it as a 'threat' in a lot if ways, and though I think I've made good progress I can still polarize the situation in my mind very easily. I'm so sick of being distraught over this. I want to move beyond it.
In this post is some examples of how that school of thought can handicap your reason.
You are putting people into type slots when weighing the value of their input and deciding who can give you more useful advise based on gender. You state you are not exposed enough to wise and manly folk. Who you have heard from most is women and submissive men. It comes off a bit like Team Women and Wuss guys VS Team Real Men. This suggests a measure of invalidation of the words of the people around you unless they fit a particular arch type you wish to emulate. It also suggests that the experiences of others who, in your perception, don't fit that arch type can lend you little aid.
Maybe its the wish to solve this and be over it? I can get that. It took me 20 years and 10 relationships to get from unquestioningly mono to contentedly poly. Go easy on yourself! Find some things you like to do that have nothing to do with this stuff. Learn something you've always wanted to study that has nothing to do with this stuff. Get away from it now and then when it starts spinning your head up.