View Single Post
Old 08-31-2013, 02:12 AM
JacobJT JacobJT is offline
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 26

Well, with regards to what I said earlier about a small particular sample of the male dating communities voiced opinions on polyamory, I was using it as an example to elucidate some of the misunderstandings that exist out there with regard to polyamory, but that such sentiments can definitely provoke the worst fears in someone who's having a very difficult transition into attempting this lifestyle.

But I think that there's a lot of vitriol towards that community as well that is based on an equal amount of misunderstanding (and of course people like me bandying about a couple of individuals opinions as representative doesn't help matters admittedly). Of course there are tons of douche bags out there active in that community, but I've found that in general there are a lot of good guys. When they speak about 'game' or 'inner game' and learning how to 'build attraction' what many of them are referring to is teaching men how to be more confidant in themselves, how to become aware of their various feelings and psychological components and to learn more effective methods of developing self awareness and understanding. They work at teaching guys how to become more effective communicators, and how to relax and be themselves in a more authentic and natural way. Of course there are guys out there teaching routines and mind tricks, but that stuff is just on a surface level. The real meat of the matter is becoming more aware of and comfortable with who you are in your internal and external landscape, and in doing so to be empowered to make more informed choices about the type of person you want to be, and the types of qualities you would like to lean into versus ones that are causing you problems in your life.

So in that sense the authentic people in the male dating/pua (hate that term as well) community are about teaching men to better themselves and to cultivate greater self awareness and self mastery. I don't often know if woman are aware how taboo it is for men to talk about a lot of this stuff with their friends, family, and other male figures in each others day to day lives. At best we're taught to do so in codified ways that often side step real intimacy and vulnerability in communicating about and sharing our inner experience, our fears, desires, insecurities, emotional landscape, and the like. We're taught, in our own codified male way, a version of "it's just not polite to discuss, my dear". I've found it interesting myself to investigate the arena and to observe situations where men are encouraged to talk about their inner landscapes in a way that's affirming and revealing. Overall net I think some of it has a very positive upside.

Of course there's just as much (probably more) junk out there on that circuit, but I just felt like I needed to stand up a little and voice an alternative view with regard to some of those communities.

Also, I know a lot of people like to talk about 'free will' and rising above our animal nature, but we are human beings living a human life that has evolved in a very particular way. In general we are very much creatures of habit and conditioning. If you look at the Mahayana Buddhist meditations on the male and female form, they analyze first the whole opposite sex form and sense the attraction towards it; they then begin breaking the body down to its constituent pieces and sensing the attraction towards them; and so on and so on further down the chain looking at pores, eyeballs, retinas etc. The practice is designed to reveal to early students that there's nothing 'innately' attractive in the human form per se, but that as humans we have evolved and been condition to see it as such in order to secure the continuation of life for the species. In many respects sex and attraction are literally the power of the universe's impulse to exist and continue. It has to be that attractive, that powerful, that ingrained in order for life to persist. It's only very recently, as civilization has evolved to the point where we can begin to unhinge our thinking from base survival issues, that we can begin to explore more nuanced proclivities in relation to our attraction towards one another. But I don't think we should be fooled into thinking that many of the characteristics and traits we gravitate towards in a mate aren't based on our hard wired unconscious evaluation of them as a provider, a lover, their potential genetic qualities both physical and demonstrated through decision making, etc. This idea that somehow we're all free people out here just deciding on a whim what we feel we are attracted to is a bit naive I think. Did you know that scientific studies show that women are unconsciously more attracted to a particular set of traits during the time of ovulation then they are during the rest of the month? It's been looked at time and time again. We still evaluate our mates largely on an unconscious and subconscious level. The conscious stuff is really mostly tip of the iceberg imo.

Anyhow, just some more thoughts. Much of the sharing here in this thread has been really positive for me and has helped sort of crack me out of this mode of (temporarily, over the past couple of weeks) analyzing polyamory from a perspective of gender wars/bias/whatever. I agree that a lot of the beta/alpha/omega stuff can be over thought. But I also know that I have behaviors that stifle me in my life, and others that I find rewarding, but because of my conditioning if I don't pay attention to what I'm choosing and simply go with the 'path of least resistance' I'm often acting out of inherited conditioning in ways that are counter productive for my own happiness!

Ok, I'm obviously trending towards hyper analysis again so I'll finish here. My heads gonna pop. I'm gonna try and let go and just be me for a little while.

Last edited by JacobJT; 08-31-2013 at 02:28 AM.
Reply With Quote