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Old 08-30-2013, 09:35 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Idaho
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Default you're not an animal

Quote:
Originally Posted by JacobJT View Post
I'm definitely an early stage reforming beta nice guy, have been most of my 36 years with some periods of time of hyper confidence and authentic autonomy splashed in for good measure, but I usually would lapse back into my old characteristics fairly quickly. I was practicing some game when I ran into my current gf. Not in the artificial sense of routines or mind tricks, just in the sense of working on inner stuff, becoming a more confident and outgoing expression of myself, noticing old habits and social behaviors that were just ingrained in me so deeply they were like breathing, and trying out what it was like not to do them. I definitely started to exude a more 'alpha' side of myself, while still not contorting myself into someone that I'm not. And then I met my current gf. Things were very hot and heavy for a while, and still can be from time to time, but you know the story with newly reformed cases like me, I quickly lapsed back into beta behavior patterns as that has always been how I behaved in relationship. Recently with all the poly shake up I've sort of snapped out of it and noticed that I can begin building and stoking that initial level of attraction again from time to time, but I've been so torn up by this poly schtuff and all the talking about it and emotional drama that I quickly fall back into beta territory.

I've been thinking that there must be a more 'alpha', or even 'omega' response to polyamory, but being a in-process reforming beta it's very easy for me to justify some of my thinking as potentially 'omega' integrated beta traits , when in fact it's just beta crap again.

I know to a lot of people this stuff sounds like non-sense, but hopefully maybe not. Just like monogamy is ingrained in us by our parents/teachers/religions/marketing/society, so is a bunch of crap about how to be a 'good guy', and a lot of it is beta submissive behavior which under the hood is often much more manipulative than 'alpha' behavior which tends to be overt rather than covert in it's motives more of the time. But also many Beta traits are just not attractive on an evolutionary psychology level. They tend to communicate lower value, lack of self confidence, attempts to control and manipulate, mask motives, etc.

So I'm just truly looking for a more alpha or omega perspective around polyamory so I can start to see my way out of this illusion that it is some secret feminine agenda to maximize pluralistic mating tendencies and play a better game of hypergamy.
As I read through this, and all the terms of alpha, beta, omega, I keep visualizing a den of wolves. You are human, not an animal who operates on instinct for survival, to endure. What makes humans different is we can make a choice for ourselves and not revert to primal behaviors. If you want to move forward, in my humble opinion (and non-manipulative because I came to poly differently -- there was no outside our marriage man I want to be with, but hub and I realized we are this), get over these terms and just be you. If you feel angry one day, embrace it, that's what you are feeling. If you are feeling jealousy, live through it, don't try to ignore it or pretend it's wrong, it's absolutely normal to have those emotions. I just feel that the more you worry about your "beta-ness" versus your "alpha-ness" your going to loose yourself and who you are.
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My poly groups:

the muse (me) - 40's F poly
bassman - 40's M, poly, husband, seeing wild orchid
Sir - 40's M, my Dom, ldr - has many minions
wild orchid - 40's F poly, married to dude seeing bassman
dude - 40's M hub to wild orchid seeing messa
messa - mono, 30's F seeing dude
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