Originally Posted by Ariakas
Ironically if you are an alpha, that totally opposes how you work. Thats good advice but maybe not for your personality type. I know I don't go with the flow, I make it..
I learned to deal quite simply, by simply running my own life, and people stay involved with me. Really thats the way everyone should view it in my opinion. Have your relationship with yourself first and everyone else that wants to be with you, will be with you, they don't fit with your relationship with yourself, then it may be time to cut cords. Sometimes we focus too much on our external sources.
Don't anchor yourself in a relationship type, or structure. Anchor yourself in yourself.
Easy to say, harder to do.
Thanks everybody, and thank you much for this Ariakas. It really sounds like you perhaps 'speak both tongues', and that's so refreshing. I've found few in the male dating advice/pua community who think anything positive about polyamory, and few in the polyamory community that speak 'game' or male dating/attraction psychology stuff. Actually it sounds like you not only speak it, but also embody it!
I've been looking for some people with both these understandings under their belt for some assistance. The poly people I've met in my area are nice enough, but many of them are very submissive, some even have cuckold fetishes, which is fine if that's what they're into but its definitely not my cup of tea.
I'm definitely an early stage reforming beta nice guy, have been most of my 36 years with some periods of time of hyper confidence and authentic autonomy splashed in for good measure, but I usually would lapse back into my old characteristics fairly quickly. I was practicing some game when I ran into my current gf. Not in the artificial sense of routines or mind tricks, just in the sense of working on inner stuff, becoming a more confident and outgoing expression of myself, noticing old habits and social behaviors that were just ingrained in me so deeply they were like breathing, and trying out what it was like not to do them. I definitely started to exude a more 'alpha' side of myself, while still not contorting myself into someone that I'm not. And then I met my current gf. Things were very hot and heavy for a while, and still can be from time to time, but you know the story with newly reformed cases like me, I quickly lapsed back into beta behavior patterns as that has always been how I behaved in relationship. Recently with all the poly shake up I've sort of snapped out of it and noticed that I can begin building and stoking that initial level of attraction again from time to time, but I've been so torn up by this poly schtuff and all the talking about it and emotional drama that I quickly fall back into beta territory.
I've been thinking that there must be a more 'alpha', or even 'omega' response to polyamory, but being a in-process reforming beta it's very easy for me to justify some of my thinking as potentially 'omega' integrated beta traits , when in fact it's just beta crap again.
I know to a lot of people this stuff sounds like non-sense, but hopefully maybe not. Just like monogamy is ingrained in us by our parents/teachers/religions/marketing/society, so is a bunch of crap about how to be a 'good guy', and a lot of it is beta submissive behavior which under the hood is often much more manipulative than 'alpha' behavior which tends to be overt rather than covert in it's motives more of the time. But also many Beta traits are just not attractive on an evolutionary psychology level. They tend to communicate lower value, lack of self confidence, attempts to control and manipulate, mask motives, etc.
So I'm just truly looking for a more alpha or omega perspective around polyamory so I can start to see my way out of this illusion that it is some secret feminine agenda to maximize pluralistic mating tendencies and play a better game of hypergamy.
The thing is that I'm not just trying to game girls, I'm trying to have fun and date, but also have honest and loving responses and relationships with the woman (or women) closest to me. There are so few role models that I've encountered so far that understand game and polyamory, and this probably has at least something to do with the fact that I live in Michigan and not cali or ny etc., it's rather corn and potatoes out here still, even in the major suburbs in terms of semi conservative lifestyles and lack of population density.