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Old 08-30-2013, 03:06 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,831

Originally Posted by gorgeouskitten View Post
I tend to share a lot and ask questions a lot, but unless the other person is super uncomfortable i think tis ok to break someone out of their comfort zone a little.
You obviously trust your partners to tell you when you've gone too far and that is a good thing. And nothing wrong with sharing or being curious.

But it is not ok to push others boundaries, even a little, even if no harm is meant. Breaking past someone's comfort zone is boundary pushing.

Not everyone is capable of or comfortable with telling people to mind their own business, or to back off, or just a 'I'm not comfortable discussing that.'

You've probably unintentionally made some people very uncomfortable. If they are not capable or willing to tell you 'no, I'm not talking about that', then they are not going to tell you they are uncomfortable and they may also hide their physical reactions of discomfort. Plus, super uncomfortable for you may not match what super uncomfortable is for them. Even if you are good at reading body language, you may miss signals, especially if you don't know someone well. Long story short, you may not be able to tell if they are uncomfortable.

Plus, bluntly, sharing and curiosity is not an acceptable excuse to make people even slightly uncomfortable. Your want to know does not trump their need for privacy and comfort.

I also want to know how other people experience the world, and that includes sexuality. I love talking about sexuality with others. But there are ways to ask that give even the shyest, mildest person imaginable an out if they don't want to go there. Instead of pushing others boundaries, learn to invite them to share with you. There is a profound and important difference.
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