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Old 08-30-2013, 02:20 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 2,030

Originally Posted by AlwaysGrowing View Post
I think it boils down to worrying about how much he actually care about me (is it more of a selfish "she's good to me, so I care" kind of thing or a genuine caring) and wondering what the future holds. There are so many things in transition right now that things have been very up in the air (scheduling, when we can talk, etc), and I really like structure. I need to feel like I am being made a priority in the midst of all this madness.
I highlighted the above words to point out something.

Someone who is divorcing - even if a long expected, amicable break up - is likely to be utterly incapable of providing that structure or stability. Even if they want to. There is just too much going on mentally, emotionally, physically. Maybe in a year or two, he can be more giving, more structured. But right now? It's unlikely.

The fact that he agrees to give you more of what you want, does alright for a while and then goes back to old patterns - he is telling you through his behavior what to expect from him. And stability and structure is not what he can offer you right now.

It can't hurt to ask him for specifics as GalaGirl suggests. But I strongly suspect you have needs for importance, priority, and structure that he is currently incapable of providing.

There is nothing wrong with what you want - I want to emphasize. And there is certainly nothing wrong with asking for what you want.

But think about what you can handle, what you can tolerate if he cannot offer what you want and need. Can you stay with him with less structure, less priority in his life? Or do you need to move on? Think hard on this.
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