*New and got questions
Hello to all.
( been in the lifestyle for about 3 months)
so I'm NEW, be gentle please.
[[Sorry this is long, but I need help]]
My wife and I (of 7years) were in our mid 30's and been married and divorced and we both have our children from previous marriage living with us ( neither X is involved at all)
My wife and I had a common female friend and things progressed into a FWB thing, more on the lines of exploring thing for wife and me. at the time the guy in me thought"hey sex with another women and it not cheating" and the wife was curious about women. we had discussion about her, and she relaxed and felt it would be fun to explore. the 3 of us were together alot and it was great.
the other women is just a friend now, as she moved on to find a 1st husband.
Shortly after that experience, My wife had discussed about finding a couple to "PLAY" with. I agreed it was her turn to have another man in our marriage since she had given me the FMF experience.
So we started looking on well know sites.
we ended up meeting a couple that have been in the lifestyle for 3years and seemed strong in there marriage.
Well it started out as a FWB thing. we all 4 clicked and communication between us two guys was strong. he was like a teacher to me and I his student (were both Alpha-male types) and the ladies immediately click from the first shopping trip they had before the 4 of us meet. The female and I clicked almost instantly and we bonded very well even before the first time in bed. My wife seemed very comfortable around him as well, after our 1st meet and great.
So it seemed comfortable.
Low and behold I was the "Wildcard" meaning I had the freak out and was mentally messed up about it. i e confused as to what/how/why i'm feeling the way I did. It was alot to see my wife receiving pleasure from another man. I know our marriage is strong, and it was very tough in the beginning. My female lover(the wife to the other man) was my ROCK. she immediately knew something was wrong and was emotionally there for me.
The other couple said many times that the level of connection and feelings were much more with us then ANY other couple they had been with in the 3 years they had been in the lifestyle. And that me and him communicating like we did was a first in his lifetime. So it was special to them and the cherished our FWB situation. They even discussed "Monogamy" that they are not looking for any NEW couple any more. But they had 1 other couple they had know and were close with since they started. The wife and I accepted that. And are good friends with there "Other" couple now as well. We don't play with the other couple. But we do BBQ's and stuff with.
Well back to the story.
After 2 months and several times us all being to gather (separate rooms,all together,ect) I started to relax and was not so freaked out and became very OK with all of it. I'm guessing cause my mind finally got wrapped around the idea, and we all had a 100% understanding that were not trying to take but give.
I started to see little things that bothered me, and my female lover and I grew SUPER attached and texted/talked and stuff almost hourly...
My wife was verbally(100% ok with it) she would read the text and hear us talking and it turned her on. So our sex in our marriage was great and my wife and I started reconnecting at greater levels. we talked more openly about everything, and nothing was of limits.
After about 4weeks in, I could tell my wife had grown attached to the idea of "loving him" I had already professed my LOVE for her and everyone KNEW it.
So again all seemed like i was learning and conforming to the lifestyle in a healthy way. I had grasped the teaching from him and was getting my groove. To the point the wife and I would even discuss what we should try and do with the other person. I was comfortable and able to discuss with out feeling jealous or threatened. So my wife and I were doing great. (we both still feel this way, that has not changed)
we as of a week ago, My female lover and I had grown so close. That we talked about EVERYTHING( life, situations,emotions, you name it) She had really started to bond with me like you would in the beginning stages of dating someone whom you would marry some day. (All well knowing we ARE NOT looking to replace) Her husband knew how hard we had fallen for each other and were so closely connected. My wife finally told him "I Love You" and I was ok with it. Since I had already done the same with my lover.
Well as of a few days ago, our couple finally admitted to each other they had major disconnects in their OWN marriage and needed time to reconnect. They had noticed they were not connecting as well as they had thought. I'm guessing it was due to me and my female love connecting so well and the things we texted and verbally said.
The whole time i was connecting to my lover, It was more of a transference of emotions and feeling that she had not been getting from her own husband. And had found it in me.
Now this was not the plan, and had been discussed countless times. We were not looking to replace.
So now here I am feeling like I was mislead and deceived. We have taken a slight step back, so they can "reconnect" I feel 100% supportive of that. Due to I have HIGH respect for him, and since they had done so much( unknowingly) for my wife and me. My wife and I connect and talk on such great levels now. And with out this lifestyle I don't think we would be so close as we are now. Now I feel obligated to help them to correct some issues in there marriage and be part of the solution not the problem....
1. Should I feel deceived? (being they didn't have as strong as a marriage as they lead us on to believe in the beginning)
2. Should I feel cheated out of what once was? ( I don't feel she and I will connect again at the same level)
3. Is this normal for couples to need to reconnect in such a strong polamory relationship, being they wouldn't admit to each other they had issues?
4. And the wife's lover is now saying he can give my wife the connection(mental) that he once thought he was. Because it a personality issue. And personality issues are tough to change.(even thou I did to conform to his way of thinking to be healthy and happy in this lifestyle.?
[Please give me all you thoughts and opinions.....]
I may have left out little parts, and will clarify the story as question and replies are made. So that I can clearly tell the issues and get the clarifications I need
Thanks for all your help!