GS, It becomes negative when the "lack" is such that it makes the relationship unhealthy. For this guy, that was the case. He spoke of his girlfriend not being able to "satisfy" him. Despite the issue I had that he views relationship partners as "sources of satisfaction", I have no desire to get into a relationship with someone who chooses to take on other relationships as a band-aid for what is broken in another relationship. That's a huge red flag for me and something I do indeed view in a negative light.
As I said earlier, if a person chooses to tolerate being with someone who is missing things they want *because* they think they can find those qualities elsewhere, I have huge questions in that. If a person *wants* to be with someone who may not appeal to all aspects of them and is perfectly happy if someone else doesn't come along, but is also happy if someone else who offers some different qualities does come along, that's an entirely other matter.
In other words, my poly relationships are complete whole entities in and of themselves. I don't treat my poly relationships like a jigsaw puzzle where I put each one together to give me everything on my list of what I would love in a relationship.
Last edited by Ceoli; 02-19-2010 at 04:05 PM.