Originally Posted by Ceoli
The situation I described involved an openly long-time poly guy who's partner was also poly. I'm certainly all for variety. Different people appeal to different parts of me. And I think you're entirely right about getting certain things from some partners that you don't get from others. I don't quite see that as a *lack* really. But I have noticed that people that even some poly people seek out relationships because of a *lack* in their current relationships. That can be a bit of a red flag for me. If I have a partner, it's because I *want* to be with them and I would want partners who *want* to be with me, not settle for me because they can get the bits they're missing elsewhere.
That's not quite the same as only dating people who are "perfect" for me.
(but now we're a bit off topic from the thread
I only want to comment on this because I fear (the way you worded it) creates a circular reference that has a potential to confuse and befuddle some people.
I understand TOTALLY exactly what you are saying And I think it's nice that you are trying to semantically put a positive spin on what might otherwise be a potential negative.
But when you make a statement (in a negative intonation) that some poly people look for something 'in addition' and call it a lack - well - when it comes down to it - it IS a lack. And I think it's unfair to portray that/they as a negative.
But that's ok ! I think tippy-toeing around reality and playing semantic games is risky sometimes, leads to misunderstandings, and just complicates what should be simple.
By way of analogy................
If for example, I had a partner who had no interest in Tantra, but that was something which was very important to me, then my searching out this 'addition' would absolutely be in response to their 'lack' of interest.
It's ok ! Really - it is.
I 'lack' interest or ability in some things. It's ok. If that's important to someone I'm in relationship with then they need to seek that elsewhere. That's ok too. You could play semantic games to try to protect my fragile ego and say you were going seeking an 'addition'. But you ain't fooling me. I lack the interest. Oh well