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Old 08-30-2013, 02:57 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

All I can say is it is not advisable to pursue someone else solely to have what your wife has, to make things "even" between you. It would be cruel and unfair to the woman you pursue. No one wants to be a trophy in a competition; a person wants to be wanted for who they are and because desire, camaraderie, chemistry, and attraction are the motivators - NOT so you can say, "see, I got one too."

I once dated a man who only dated other women because his wife dated other men, not because his heart was in it. He didn't go out with women he liked and was drawn to, and then wanted to get to to know - he went out with them because she had a boyfriend and he thought it it was "only fair" he get a girlfriend. It felt yucky to know that keeping pace with his wife was the prime reason he was poly and with me. I want to be the reason someone wants to be with me! It ain't a race or a contest! If you get involved with other people, they have feelings, too - it isn't all about you and your wife.

Therapy sounds like a good idea before either of you move forward or make any decisions. Go slowly.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 08-30-2013 at 03:04 AM.
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