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Old 08-30-2013, 02:34 AM
Dutchguy78 Dutchguy78 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4
Default Am I headed for disaster or does this have a chance?

I have come from a 13 year monogamous marriage and recently, my wife developed feelings for another man. This resulted in a breakdown of our relationship and my wife moved into a room. In her time living in that room, it has become clear to her that I can fulfill certain aspects of her life really well, but cannot meet certain others. This would be where this other man comes in. They share certain personal interests.

After having suggested earlier that she wants to move back in with me and wants to be roommates because she misses our daughter and wants to be with her, i objected. I still have feelings for her and do not care for sharing only the family and care for our daughter. I need something more substantial than that.

the other man has said to her, that he's okay with her moving back in with me, even if that means us doing stuff together. this apparently got my wife thinking and today she ventured the idea of a poly-amorous relationship to me. She would move back in, we would resume our relationship and get some professional help and she would keep seeing him on the side, while permitting me to see other people.

She told me, she tried choosing for me at first and it didn't work, then she tried choosing for him and it didn't work. Now she wants to try this.

I do see potential for us with a situation like this. There can be many benefits, but I am still jealous. She has agreed not to sleep over until I encounter someone to have something with, so that will definitely help in this transition period. She told me she may or may not want to sleep overin the future, she doesn't know.

Ultimately it appears to be her goal to choose one of us, but definitely doesn't exclude the possibility that she may never be able to choose. Personally, I don't think you can put the genie back in the bottle once it has come out. However, she does not exclude the possibility of choosing to stay with one person and being friends with the other. ultimately, right now, she definitely has feelings for this man and doesn't want to choose.

Obviously, my relation with this other man is fractured. I met him once and it looked like we were going to be friends. Now with all said and done, I don't know anymore. Clearly, if there is going to be competition between us, it will breed fear and jealousy. From that perspective, it may be better that she never chooses at all. I am not sure she intends to stay in a relationship with multiple men and if this is even going to work. She would like to combine the best of him and me in one person, but can't. Are him and me have to mend our relationship if this is going to work?

My carrot in this situation is that she would allow me to also pursue the same and I am tempted, but I have no idea where to start. Are there places where I can meet like minded people in Ottawa to discuss this, or even to hook up?

I know we have issues to sort, but I do love her and am willing to make this work, I am just not sure how. Am I heading for a disaster her and deluding myself this can work, or do we have a chance. We have a great family and one fantastic daughter, so if we can be together, but with redefined parameters, I want to give that a shot.

Thanks for the help.
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