Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
I definitely don't agree with "wanted to date me because his girlfriend," as in "I would normally be monogamous but she's not enough for me, which causes me to date around" ... but there are some activities/features that I like in a partner which are not deal-breakers if they're missing, and if I'm dating other people anyway, why not try to find someone who does have those features?
The situation I described involved an openly long-time poly guy who's partner was also poly. I'm certainly all for variety. Different people appeal to different parts of me. And I think you're entirely right about getting certain things from some partners that you don't get from others. I don't quite see that as a *lack* really. But I have noticed that people that even some poly people seek out relationships because of a *lack* in their current relationships. That can be a bit of a red flag for me. If I have a partner, it's because I *want* to be with them and I would want partners who *want* to be with me, not settle for me because they can get the bits they're missing elsewhere.
That's not quite the same as only dating people who are "perfect" for me.
(but now we're a bit off topic from the thread